By Brad Lee
11. Excuse me, but I was leaning against this two-foot wide piece of glass in the corner wedged between two fat guys first. You'll have to find your own premium spot to watch the game.
10. Will you please stop breathing in my ear?
 9.   Hey, you got a rubberband? I really need to go.
 8. Dammit, I knew getting here at noon wasn't going to be early enough.
 7. I thought I'd be the only one here wearing a Chelyabinsk Traktor jersey with Skachkov on the back. Crap.
 6. If I give T.J. Oshie a $20 bill after the game, does that mean he has to turn pro?
 5. Don't you think it's a little weird that you know this much about 18-year-old boys from Sweden?
 4. It'd be a lot easier to see in this crowd if the guys up front would either pass out from being pressed up against the glass or if they kept their mullets better trimmed in the summer.
 3. See that guy over there eating the chicken strips? He told me earlier that he saved them from the free food game last season.
 2. I swear people, I will find the person who is farting in this crowd and end them.
 1. So this is what hope looks like.