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You Have One New Text Message

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By Brad Lee

T.J. Oshie sits on a trainer's table at the Scottrade Center, texting on his phone...

Teeej and a girlHey Eeeeej!

Erik Johnson is on the left. Teeeej! Wadup, playa? U still pretending to take finals?

Teeej and a girlNaw. I'm taking my physical. Getting ready to sign my contract. Going car shopping later.

Erik Johnson is on the left. Sweeeet. Wait. R U nekid right now?

Teeej and a girlDude. No. There's a fruit Euro in the room. No way. He wants to text U. Hang on. This is him.

Lars Eller and his favorite treesGreetings Mr. Eerik Johnson. I am Lars.

Erik Johnson is on the left. From Metallica?

Lars Eller and his favorite treesHa! American humor. I love it. We will make great goals together.

Erik Johnson is on the left. Whatev. Put Teeeeeej back on.

Teeej and a girlYo. I gotta go become a millionair. I'll call you later and buy you beer. I'll let you use Toews' old fake ID. You'll never get caught. Trust me.

Erik Johnson is on the left. SWEET.