By Adam Duke
May 15, 1984 - John Michael "Ozzy" Osbourne was arrested in Memphis, Tennessee for being "staggering drunk" in public.
What does this have to do with the Blues?
Memphis legend has it that he was traveling by foot to Kalvola, Finland to stop the birth of a child. That child was Hannu Toivonen. Oh, and he was wearing this:
That's right - Ozzy was foretold of the birth of the one who would destroy the franchise from between its own pipes, threw on his favorite Brian Sutter shirt, and set out for Finland with nothing in his pockets aside from lint and knives... and probably some booze. It's a long walk.
Ozzy is clearly a man's man who eats rocks and shits gunpowder, and that's what this fan base needs more of. I'm sick of seeing frat boys with spiked hair sitting in my section trying to start the wave, and whiny bitches who complain that the geniuses who yell for the towel-boy to "JUUUUUMMMP" after each of his interruptions should stop because it's mean spirited. It's not that it's mean spirited, it's just that we don't all menstruate. Ozzy would never pack up his testicles and carry them in a purse, and you shouldn't either.
The fact that we're living in a world with images like these...
is evidence enough to understand that Ozzy failed to reach Finland on that day, 24 years ago, and Hannu was born 3 days later. Although he failed on May 15, 1984, it's important for all of us to remember the spirit that Osbourne embodied on that day. He was the Blue Revolution before whoever wrote that failed marketing campaign was even born.
Here's to you, John Michael Osbourne - a great Blues fan and a great man who deserves all of our respect for being such a badass.