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I've Got A Call On The Other Line

Scene: A golf course in suburban Dallas. Brett Hull is in a golf cart talking on his cell phone.

Gm_brett_hull_medium  Yeah, I'm over the Avery thing. He's with the Rangers. Who knew they'd be interested in our sloppy seconds. (click) I've got a call on the other line. This is Hullie, shootin' par and smiling. What's up?

Gm_brian_burke_medium  Hull. It's Burke. Who do you want to acquire from my team? You have 25 seconds.

Gm_brett_hull_medium Call me tomorrow. Or send me a tweeter thing. I'm playing golf.

Gm_brian_burke_medium The deadline's today, dumbass. I'll Twitter your (click)...I've got a call on the other line. This is Burke. Don't waste my time.

Gm_bob_gainey_medium  Burkie, Bobby Gainey here. I'm trying to unload one of my mafia guys. Or maybe get a goaltender that doesn't wet the bed at night. Interested?


Gm_brian_burke_medium Do I look like John Ferguson Jr. to you?

Gm_bob_gainey_medium No. He has better hair. (click) I've got a call on the other line. Bonjour. Je m'appelle Bob.

Gm_doug_risebrough_medium  Hey poutine breath. Doug Risebrough here. Have I got a deal for you. For the low price of your three best defensive forwards in your system, you can have Marian Gaborik and his surgically enhanced groin. I'm ready to do this thing.

Gm_bob_gainey_medium Does he speak French? And what if we don't have any defensive players in our system?

Gm_doug_risebrough_medium Dangit. This is a lot harder than I thought it would be. Who wouldn't want Gaborik? He's looked great in all six games he played this season. (click) I've got a call on the other line. Minnesota Wild, we like offense, I promise. This is Doug.

Gm_lou_lamoriello_medium  This is Lou Lamoriello. What's new, friend? You will trade me for Jay Pandolfo, yes? If you say no, I could just send a demon through the phone lines to posess you and bend your will to my needs.

Gm_doug_risebrough_medium  I...uh...Seriously?

Gm_lou_lamoriello_medium Just kidding! I haven't been able to perform mind control on someone since Judge Houston died. You're safe...for now. (click) I have a call on the other line. Devils Hockey where Newark isn't as much of a war zone as you think. This is Darth Lou.

Gm_larry_pleau_medium  Lou, Larry Pleau with the Blues. Keith Tkachuk will waive his no trade clause and join the New Jersey Devils. We would like...

Gm_lou_lamoriello_medium No. Trade me Oshie.

Gm_larry_pleau_medium Uh, no.

Gm_lou_lamoriello_medium You will trade me Oshie.

Gm_larry_pleau_medium I'm wearing garlic around my neck and I'm holding an oversized silver cross. THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU to trade for Tkachuk. (click) I've got a call on the other line. This is Pleau. Geaux.

Gm_ken_holland_medium  Larry, Ken Holland with the defending Stanley Cup champion Detroit Red Wings. I'd like to acquire Ke (click) ith...hello? Larry? Dammit, he hung up again. I wonder why?