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Go... Pens?

Dear Chicago,

Thanks a ton, asswipes. We were somehow finding ourselves rooting for you (when we weren't cursing you) to stop the Red Wings and their "fuck it, let's ride Dan Cleary for a series or two" run to yet another Cup Final.

Now we all need super-hot showers and wire brushes to cleanse ourselves. And we certainly won't be able to look directly at pictures of ourselves or directly into mirrors for a couple more weeks).

Instead we now have to join every eight-to-eleven year old hockey fan who has adopted the media-centric Penguins as their team to root for. Just for the record, eight-to-eleven year olds get a pass; they love cool commercials and fall for marketing ploys. They also love to be on the winning side. They're also Steeler fans and Red Sox fans, even when they live in St. Louis. We get it.

It is not, however, OK for grown-ass people who should know better to bandwagon jump a team that the NHL is commanding us all to love.


So, thanks again, Chicago. We now feel even better about our team's 4-1-1 record against you last season. Can't wait to see you all and your bandwagon fans wearing No. 88 jerseys and your liquor-addled old school fans wearing Indian headdresses next year.


St. Louis

But that's just us. What do you all think?