So this season was kind of a toothy-blowjob for you, huh?
Worse. It's a toothy blowjob from a bitch with chipped teeth. And an Adam's Apple. Like looking down and seeing Adam Burish smiling up at you. It's frustrating to look at all of the missed opportunities and how they added up this year. Underperforming players, lackluster efforts, you name it, the Blues had it this year.
Now that I think about it, a toothy blowjob would definitely have been better.
Is George Costanza (Davis Payne) going to get the gig full time? Is he going to get a fucking first name, even?
As a guy on our website, averagejoe, likes to say, I'd prefer if my team's coach had at least one first name and didn't look like an accountant, but at least the guy is making the right moves. Andy Murray used to change line combination around like a crackhead and used to overthink his matchups, giving the checkers far too many minutes and not allowing the skilled players to play.
Under Payne the lines have become more stable and they've started to produce. Additionally the skill guys are getting more minutes and the checkers are playing when required. Most importantly, he has fixed whatever was wrong at home. Under Murray the Blues were 5-13-3 at the Drinkscotch Center. Under Payne they're 11-5-2 at home. That's the difference between sitting home next week and being in the playoffs.
The team tuned out Murray, but they're listening to Payne who has a reputation for working with young players well. I think he'll become the head coach permanently this summer.
Alex Steen appears to be suckering you guys into giving him a new contract....
Steen has been great the whole second half of the season, a man possessed. He has worked harder and scored more and battled for the puck and led by example at every turn. He is just 26 years old and in line for a new contract based on his outstanding performance, the best stretch he has had as a pro. Hey, wait a minute... he IS suckering us into a new contract!
Perron, Backes, Oshie, and Berglund all backed up this year. Did they catch the same STD from each other?
Based on the stories of alleged late night hi-jinks at the clubs on the east side and in various condos across St. Louis County I'd say the kids are progressing off-ice just fine. They're more fun than a kid who calls himself Captain Serious anyway.
On the ice, I think we'll see these four players all take big strides next season. The whole group seemed to have bought into their own hype over the summer and it has taken the better part of the year for them all to realize that they weren't working hard enough to earn the success they were expecting. Oshie and Backes have found some chemistry together and both Perron and Berglund have grown more confident as the season has progressed. Plus, all four of them will be playing for new contracts and you clearly know how that goes.
We'd be remiss if we didn't let you have one last Paul Kariya rant in our publication before he fucks off in the summer...
Paul Kariya is nothing more than a tiny little mercenary and he'll be leaving St. Louis for the next team that decides to overpay him. What that team will get is exactly what the Blues got when they signed him: a brief PR bump and some ticket sales from people who don't follow the NHL close enough to realize that Kariya hasn't been a true impact player since about 1996.
Finally, as is now tradition for this Q&A, please tell us which Cardinals' pitcher will get drunk/drugged up and die this summer....
As a guy who lives in St. Louis I am legally required to tell you that I love the Cardinals and be able to recite the roster and associated stats at any given time. Truth be told, I can name three Cardinals: Albert Pujols because he's a fucking living legend, Yadier Molina because he plays baseball like he's a hockey player and Mitchell Boggs. The only reason I know Boggs is because he's a friend of a friend and we left him a drunken cell message one night yelling at him about what the rotation was going to look like and why didn't he know what days he was pitching yet. It was January.
In summary: fuck baseball, drink more, and never, ever, catch a ride anywhere with a Cardinal pitcher.