All baseball and no hockey makes gallagher go something something.
1. Fuck you coffee. We used to get along so well and now... now you're taking over my life. I hate to admit it, but I'm well on my way to a Dave Grohl-like problem with you.
Ah, who am I kidding? I love you, coffee. FRESH POTS!
2. Fuck you beer. It's your fault I stay up too late watching completely innane shit like "Jail" and it's your fault I have a pounding headache right now. Of course, that's nothing a little coffee won't fix.... I take it all back. I love you beer.
3. Fuck you summer. Seriously, I saw a guy melt yesterday. This town has two amazing seasons in Spring and Fall. Unfortunately, each one only lasts about 10 days. Besides the oppressive heat and humidity, right now we couldn't be any farther away from NHL hockey than we are. The playoffs ended, what, six weeks ago? And we're another six weeks until camp opens up? You know there isn't much to talk about of interest to hockey fans when we're running a playoff among reporters.
4. Fuck you Blackhawks. Having to make the decision between Marty Reasoner's salary and taking on an ineffectual Jeff Taffe to actually play on your NHL team is way too funny. The days of the Hawks giving us unintentional comedy on a weekly basis are apparently back. Back, baby!
5. Fuck you Detroit. Quit waffling already and sign Mike Modano. We can't count on Chicago to carry the Central Division comedy load all by themselves. By the way, HockeySlum, I hear that Owen Nolan is available too. He was good like 10 years ago, just like Modano. Until then, I'll just be sitting here quietly waiting for you to announce that Nik Lidstrom is retiring and thus putting the final nail in your coffin.