Sometimes I feel like I'm going to have a hard time coming up with reasons to be upset on a Friday. And then I read the Post-Dispatch's so-called hockey experts.
1. Fuck you Dan O'Neill. Seriously? Chris Mason is better than Jaroslav Halak? Where's the goddamn Soft Goals Per Game stat when I so sorely need it? Everyone needs to bookmark this statement from The Golf Guy so that we can throw it back in his face come mid-season. The Blues got a younger, better goaltender for less money to play in net next year. That is usually categorized as a win around these parts.
2. Fuck you part-time hockey experts. My Sirius radio is still broken and I spent the better part of the week listening to local sports talk again. Off-target, but when the hell did we get an NBA team in St. Louis and start caring about pro basketball? Holy shit, make it stop. Back on-target, what is it going to take for local radio hosts to figure out that if you want to get an unfiltered opinion about the Blues you should stop bringing in your buddy from the afternoon show to say, "So far I kinda like what I've seen from the Blues," and you should start calling US. You want to know what people really think of the Blues' moves so far this summer, we'll give you the info. And for once you'll actually have something to talk about in regards to hockey.
3. Fuck you LeBron James. I'm more than willing to admit that I know nothing about basketball, but I think I have a pretty good handle on how fans think and I have never seen a guy go from pretty much universally liked and respected to pretty much universally hated so quickly in my life. I couldn't give two shits about the NBA (over/under set at 1.25 shits), but I know that I hope the Miami Heat don't win a championship. My brother-in-law, a big NBA and LeBron fan, said last night, "LeBron is now the first athlete I will actually boo."
4. Fuck you iPad. Why is it I find these things so interesting and yet when I have one in my hands I can't think of one useful thing to do with it? And yet I still want one? What the fuck is wrong with me? How is it that Apple is compelling me to overspend on a device I don't even need that will serve only to make me look like a douche as I underuse it sitting in a fucking park or coffee shop?
5. Fuck you Ilya Kovalchuk. Unofficial collusion is a bitch, aint it? It's about time to pull your head out of your ass and realize that you're still about to make enough money to be set for life and start negotiating with a team that is on the way up and not on the way down. By the way, I think it's hilarious anytime an agent tries to stir the pot and force negotiations with overoptimistic timelines of when things are about to be "done" only to have that blow up in their face. Didn't Kovalchuk sign with New Jersey and put them over the cap back on Monday?
There, I feel better and the dog doesn't have to worry about getting kicked today. Feel free to blow off steam of your own in the comments.