The first time I wrote an F-You Friday I worried that people would hate it. So angry. So misdirected. So... not up-with-people.
Now, however, I realize that people love catharsis. And as cathartic as this is for me to write, your comments seem cathartic too. Missing out on an episode seems like it's not an option anymore after last week's miss.
As a new twist, I may start calling out for a reader-submitted F-You. watch for the announcement next week on how you can participate.
1. Fuck you carry on baggage. I don't personally have anything against carry on baggage, but the fact that it made a dude's switch flip to Berserker Mode makes me think that maybe I haven't examined the issue closely enough. For anyone getting this internet from a cave of some sort, a Jet Blue Steward got so fed up with his passengers and their carry on baggage that he cursed them out over the plane's speaker system, grabbed two beers out of the fridge, opened the emergency door and slid down the fucking emergency evacuation slide.
Holy shit, man. That guy can come write for us any day.
If you really, truly hate your job, then you owe it to yourself and to your co-workers to quit in some historic fashion. How many times do you really get to quit a job that you hate anyway? Maybe once in your life? If you don't do it like this guy did, you've wasted an opportunity.
2. Fuck you Red Wings. Actually, this is more like Fucked Yourself Red Wings. Mike Modano in Detroit? Ruslan Salei too? Awesome. Sure hope that Modano's alzheimer's has progressed to a stage where he forgets how Salei cheap shotted him into an incredibly neck-stretching board hit a decade ago or that could get awkward.
And while I'm sure your fans know (KNOW!) that you have once again loaded up for a Cup run, those of us who have seen Modano play at all over the last year know what's up. I'll give you this, it's a better signing than Dave Scatchard, but come on. At least Scatchard will play to expectations; Modano is gonna need a tow-rope by the time we get to December.
3. Fuck you summer. I mean, I love sweating by balls off every time I go out to get the paper and all, but this no hockey shit is making me crazy. I watched a Wisconsin-Michigan hockey game on the Big Ten Network the other day for chrissake. Even if Brad Lee hates our team now, I cannot wait until we get to regular season hockey again. And yeah, that's a fuck you to you too, pre-season hockey. Just shut the fuck up and sit back down.
4. Fuck you puppies. Yes you. You and your cute faces that make it possible for you to remain breathing. But really, fuck you and your razor-sharp hand-biting teeth and your chewing of all things remote control, footwear and furniture. Fuck your nearly gag-inducing inside shitting and near-invisible sock-soaking piss puddles.
You make it another few months and maybe you get off the list. But for now, seriously, go fuck yourself puppies.
5. Fuck you Game Time Wikipedia. If you go to the Blues' wikipedia page there is an open tag for St. Louis Game Time. Which means that someone who knows how to do it could start a GT Wiki page. Which means that if someone were to open that, everyone else should immediately populate it with the funniest shit possible. What's the point of having a Wiki page if you all aren't constantly fucking with said Wiki page?