I may be tilting at windmills with this theme, but Friday is so fucking overrated that it's the Jay Leno of weekdays.
1. Fuck you preseason. So tantalizingly close to real hockey. Still so not-quite-good-enough. I realize this is similar to screaming at the rain to stop, but nothing is better than October 9th this year and it's just not getting here fast enough.
2. Fuck you Blues braintrust. You have proven it once again: you are definitely smarter than we are. Remember last year when they announced the big price increase and half of the cheap-seaters said that there was no way they were coming back? Guess who was in my section for the first pre-season game? Everyone. Everyone who said there was no way they were coming back is back. I may say 'fuck you' but really, pretty impressive Blues. You know us better than we know ourselves.
3. Fuck you golf. I rule your ass. I haven't even played in a year, went out this week with clients and had the best game of my life. See you again next year golf; I'll be the one raping you and laughing.
4. Fuck you politics. It used to be that politics and politicians were so predictable and similar that whenever politics came up in a social setting, I could eject from the conversation just by saying, "They're all so similar that it doesn't even matter who you elect," and then the conversation was over. Now, however, both sides are so full of rhetoric and hate and divergent opinions that when I try the easy out someone calls bullshit and I'm forced to listen to how (insert party here) has completely fucked the (insert inane topic here) and the only way to fix it is to elect (insert insane asshole here). Can't we just talk about something less polarizing? Like why your religion is fake and mine is real?
5. Fuck you red light cameras. Aint no fucking way I'm sending you a check for that red light violation, St. Louis. On the plus side, thanks for the link to the hilarious video of me blowing through a red light as I make a right turn. I must have been late for something. Either that or my brakes were out. Funny, funny stuff.
Bring your heat in the comments.