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Top 11 Signs You're Drunk At A Hockey Game

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When you go to Blues games, do you buy the Game Time paper? It's all unique content that we put together for every Blues home game. It's 28 pages of amazing shit. Seriously, think anyone would do that for Cardinals games? (Hint: We did)

One of the things that's popular in the paper (you know you can subscribe and get the paper in pdf form in your email every game day, hours before the paper goes on sale) are the Top 11 Lists. Why 11? Because we turn the comedy up to 11. That and some bastard named Jeffio wanted to be different than David Letterman and his lists. So instead of making the lists nine which would have been so much smarter because you can always come up with about nine jokes, he made it 11. And we kept with the tradition. 

Anyway, we try not to put too much stuff from the paper on the site because we make you pay for the paper and not the site. A scant few times a year we will forward a copy of the paper to people who ask for it to let people know what they're missing by not subscribing. Haven't done that yet this year. Maybe next Tuesday. 

When I can't come up with a topical category, I've got a few standbys. What Fans WIll Say Tonight is one. Signs You're Drunk At A Hockey Game is another. Because Chris Stewart probably deserved a couple games and we don't have much vitriol for Florida, tonight's opponent, here's a list. Add to it in the comments. Just make sure you're funny. 

Top 11 Signs You're Drunk At A Hockey Game

11. You are the godfather for the beer man's first born son. 

10. When the arresting officers asked what you thought you were doing, you claim the big blue pantsless bear asked to be humped from behind with the plastic stare of his lifeless eyes. 

9. You're wearing a Panthers jersey to the game tonight. A Carolina Panthers jersey. 

8. The Zamboni wasn't just going to drive itself after you punched the driver. 

7. Your buddy owes you $20. Apparently you can get your tongue stuck to the ice at the red line. 

6. When Tom Calhoun announces there is one minute remain in the period, you ask the voices in your head to leave you alone for just one night. 

5. You got "Occupy This" tattooed on your junk. 

4. Your rec league jersey with the No. 69 on the back is tucked in so you can reach your comb in your back pocket. 

3. The beer man's nickname for you is "My 401k."

2. You want to spend millions and millions of dollars to buy the Blues. 

1. You're doing the power play dance. Wearing a giant blue bear head and no pants without actually working for the Blues. 

As we say in the underground fan-run paper business, they can't all be winners. Take your shot in the comments.