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Thursday Links: Gary Bettman's Throbbing Bit Edition

Last night, Calgary celebrated victory with bitterness, Chicago celebrated victory regardless of validity and Gary Bettman celebrated by ejaculating into a bottle of his finest cologne and spraying it all over himself. All of this celebration because Chicago was awarded a goal when a puck was kicked and never crossed the goal line. Now, the NHL playoffs will have better ratings because a large market that houses the reigning Stanley Cup champions will be there at the expense of the last meaningful game our hometown team will play this season.

How's that for an introduction that you didn't read?

Every time you read "NHL history/history of the NHL," drink one.

Blues News

  • Wysh weighs in on Hossa's tryout for Sporting KC. [Puck Daddy]
  • Ty Conklin should be re-signed just for interviews like these. "They called it a goal on the ice, which is fine, that’s understandable, but the reason we have video replay is to get the right call. They’re probably going to make it into the playoffs anyways, but do we really have to make it that obvious that the league wants them in?" [Daily Herald]
  • Crash the Crease is also pissed, calling it, "the worst call in the history of the NHL." [Crash the Crease]
  • The Iron Sheik has a message for the Chicago Blackhawks and the NHL (nsfw). [YouTube]
  • When headlines start with "Blues blow," they should just leave it at that. [P-D]
  • Backes joins the 30-30-30 club. Aren't you glad they locked him up long-term? [P-D]
  • Don't boo Erik Johnson. Cheer him because the people we got for him are better than him (I guess?). [P-D]
  • Who's the Blues' MVP for this season? Can Doug Armstrong be an option? [Bleacher Report]

NHL/Hockey News

  • As mentioned in the intro, Calgary is finished with Anaheim and Chicago winning last night. [ESPN] [Matchsticks and Gasoline]
  • L.A. is in, while Carolina staves off elimination for another day. []
  • Michael Leighton is back to make another Philadelphia Miracle. [Sporting News]
  • Corey Perry hangs 50 goals this season. [NBC]
  • The Sharks could've really decimated Anaheim's playoff chances this season, but let it slide so we can have an all-California quarterfinal for the first time in NHL history. [San Jose Mercury]
  • What teams will have problems this post-season? I know what Chicago's problem is. They can't kick goals in every night. [Sporting News]
  • What could the U.S. Congress learn from the NHL? Versus equals "ratings?" Blows to the head inhibit your ability to thunk good? [U.S. News and World Report]
  • Buffalo's probably going to make the playoffs with Streaky McStreakerson. [Buffalo News]
  • Carolina's Justin Bieber scored 30 goals this season at the age of 18. He is the 8th player in NHL history to accomplish this feat. [Fox]
  • The NHL actually gives a shit about that $5 bet that I linked to yesterday between Turco and a Canadiens fan. They should focus on things that matter, like how pucks that get kicked towards the red line and don't cross it become goals. [Detroit News]

Other Stuff

  • If you're scared of big black men raping you, don't admit it in an apartment complex hallway. [Some eCards]
  • Get the right Internet tool for the right Internet job. [iTools]
  • A site dedicated to watching movies backwards. Example: "If you watch Mean Girls backwards, it's about a girl who gets so unpopular that she moves to Africa." [If You Watch It Backwards]

Thursday Video

That damn goal still pisses me off. FUNK DAT. QUESTUN: Why do the hockey gods not like the St. Louis Blues? Maaaaan, FUNK DAT.

This post was catharsis at its finest. I hope you enjoyed it. All of this and Hartigan this weekend... on St. Louis Game Time.

gametimelinks AT gmail DOT com