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Top 11 Things I'm Doing To Pass The Time This Blues Offseason*

11) About once a week, I prank-call Dave Checketts and tell him I have a bucket full of million dollar bills at the front gate of the DrinkScotch before giggling and hanging up.

10) I drink . . . heavily.  No, more heavily than during hockey games, if you could imagine that possible.

9) I imagine the Cheveldae-Joseph goalie fight had happened yesterday.  Goddamnit, that was 18 years ago. WHERE IS MY YOUTH?!

8) I actually do work at work.  Yeah, you laugh now . . . .

7) I make up a bunch of stupid lists like this.  Yeah.  Fucking.  Right.

6) I count down the days to October 8th, when . . . I head to a wedding in Iowa.  Haha, fuck you, schedule-makers.  Assholes, all of you.

5) I count down the days until David Backes is officially named Captain of the Blues.  Because if that doesn't happen, I will probably lead a mob starting at Market Street so as to loot the town Vancouver-style.

4) I FUCKED DETROIT!  Haha, just kidding.  I don't want any nasty-ass diseases.

3) I repeatedly point out how everything is right and awesome with the world now that the Chicago Blackhawks are no longer the defending Stanley Cup Champions.

2) I constantly wish I were in the shoes of Shahid Khan or Mark Cuban so I could make an immediate "Impulse Buy" in St. Louis involving some hockey franchise that's for sale.  After that, I imagine I'm ripping Jim Balsillie's guts out with my bare hands . . . for no reason, really.

1) I watch baseball.  No really, that's happening.  Is it October yet?


* Most of these items did not happen or have not actually happened.