Thank god it's Friday? Yeah, not so much for me. You think you're so high and mighty, Friday, self-described King of All Weekdays. Well guess what, I hate Friday. Now Saturday, that's a good day. Sunday, too, really. I'd definitely put Sunday ahead of Friday on the Days of the Week Leaderboard. Hell, I even have Thursday ahead of Friday.
But you, Friday? F-You Friday.
- Fuck you, people who can't control their children on airplanes. On a flight this summer, some woman let her kid scream like its arm was being torn off for over 15 minutes. Look, I'm not parent of the year, but even I know that the kid's goddamn ears are popping. Give it something to drink or to chew on, it works it's evil little jaw, the ears pop and it shuts the fuck up. Simultaneously, the woman in front of me let her kid listen to his ipod and sing Justin Bieber songs out loud so we all had to hear it. Rather than do something about it, she turned to look back at all of us with her hands up, laughing, like she was powerless to stop it. Hey lady, it's not cute and it's not funny. Your kid is a dick and that makes you a dickmom. If you want to hear the audio, you can, beacuse I recorded it just to prove how bad it was. Remember, though, I warned you: kid crying bieber singing.
- Fuck you, Broken Lizard. It's not my fault that your best movie was your first movie. Super Troopers remains the funniest movie I've ever watched (who wouldn't love watching terrible cops?). In fact, it was so good that I watched all your other, less funny, movies too, just to support the cause. Beerfest has it's moments, but that Club Dread? Blech. Nevertheless, I will continue to support you and your movies. Unless, that is, you go forward with this Super Troopers 2 movie and it turns out the way we all think it's going to turn out. If it sucks, Blues Brothers 2000 style, we're going to have a problem. Save us both the anguish and just don't do it. I beg of you.
- Fuck you, Central Division. Hockey is back and so are you turds. I can finally go back to hating the Blue Jackets because they are going to continue to suck dicks by the truckload. I can go back to hating the Predators because they continue to be the most boring team in all of professional sports (and that counts watch the grass grow baseball, too). I can go back to hating the Chicago Blackhawks just because that's what we fucking do around here. And finally, I can go back to hating the Detroit Red Wings and their entitled, annoying-ass fans. Welcome back, hockey; go fuck yourselves, Central Division.
Feel better? I do. Do your worst/best in the comments.