Things Overheard In The Sharks' Dressing Room

Thursday night was completely demoralizing for the San Jose Sharks. B.J. Crombeen scored his first ever playoff goal, which was far more embarrassing than going down 3-1 in the series.

BJ Crombeen is the same guy who thinks his teammates nicknamed him "Goddammit" since they yell "Goddammit Crombeen!" every time he shoots. Yeah, that dude sniped Antti Niemi.

Needless to say, morale was pretty low in the Sharks' locker room. Wouldn't it be great to be a fly on the wall during that intermission? Well, it turns out if you give Vladdy Sobotka a set of costume fly wings and a Talk Boy, everyone actually thinks he really is a fly on the wall, and he can record everything undetected. Here's the transcript Vladdy recorded from the intermission after the Crombeen goal:

Todd McLellan: What the fuck? That was the most awful fucking shit I've seen in my entire life. You let that Goddammit Crombeen guy score? Seriously? I've got nothing. Do the captains want to say anything? Joe? Patrick?

Dan Boyle: Coach, we havent seen those guys since the end of March. I've been looking for them, too. I wanted to ask them how they like those Titleist clubs.

McLellan: Fuck, you guys are already talking golf? You guys are worse than Darren Pang. Every time I see that motherfucker, he asks me about golf and playing for legendary coach Brian Kilrea on the Ottawa 67s. Great. Just fucking great. Where's our goalie? Does he have anything to say?

Joe Pavelski: Uh, San Jose police picked him up.

McLellan: What the fuck? We haven't slammed any Montreal players into the partition, have we? Punched any cabbies in the face? Hit on any babysitters?

Pavelski: No, the cops just needed an extra pylon. Lots of traffic because everyone is leaving HP Pavillion early.

McLellan: Great. Plus my hair looks fucking horrible right now. Does anyone have gel? Boyle, you won a Cup in Tampa Bay. How did you do it?

Boyle: Coach Tortarella threatened to kill us.

McLellan: Oh.

[Brad Fucking Winchester comes back in from the equipment room.]

Winchester: Never fear, bitches. Winchester is the gun that won the West, and I've got two Winchesters right here. [Flexes arms.]

McLellan: Fuck me. This is worse than I thought.

Marc Edourd Vlasic: Can I say something?

McLlellan: No. Your name is Pickles. You can't have anything good to say.

Vlasic: Hey, Pickles is better than being called "Goddammit."

McLellan: You know, I never had this "losing" problem when I coached in Detroit.

Boyle: That's because you played against us a lot.

McLellan: That's right. [Shakes head and mutters.] Goddammit.

Boyle: I know. I hate that Crombeen guy, too, coach.