As we march ever closer to the start of the 2013-14 NHL season fans all across North America engage in a tied and true past time. Buying tons of new hockey related gear and accessories to display their affection for the team they love in all new ways.
Rest assured that the league is ready to feed your habits. Have to recover the costs of owning the Phoenix Coyotes for years somehow. Not only with what you really want, stuff like hats, sweats, new player shirseys, and western business attire, but that useless junk that is more likely to end up as a white elephant present than on display in your home.
The official online store of the NHL, Shop.NHL.com, has gear for all current 30 teams and many defunct franchises, so you know the St. Louis Blues are covered in cheesy regifted present goodness.
Here's a collection of the top five most ridiculous Blues branded gear you can buy.
#5: Around the House
Whether it's decorating the man cave for when a group of buddies coming over to grill for the home opener or snuggling with your puck bunny on the couch in the middle of the season, you can waste your money in cliched style.
Is it a jersey? Is it a Snuggie? Nope. It's a Unisex Player Comfy Throw.
Every Blues fan needs a gnome sitting at the front door to greet guests, right?!
Perfect for upcoming Halloween parties is the Blues Zombie Resin Figurine. No, it is NOT a bust of Rick Zombo. Although, that would be pretty slick.
#4: Fancy Footwear
Warm it may be now, but come the quarter mark of the season it will be pretty cold in most pro hockey markets. St. Louis included. Wear these black and pink Jacquard Knit Boots from the MetroLink to Scottrade Center. They'll only set you back $40.
If those won't do the job and another $60+ is burning a hole in your pocket you can upgrade to these furry tan bad boys. I don't suggest it though.
Finally, for the fashionable hockey mom who needs to look her best on casual Fridays at the office, this Wedge is for you.
#3: Pampered Chef's ain't got nothin' on this...
A quick breakfast is not always advisable in the winter, but is sometimes a necessity. It's hard to wake up the sleeping monsters in time to catch the bus after a west coast game that goes to the shootout. For those mornings there are not one, but TWO, amazing toasters.
One in white (they call it "Silver", but who wants Bobby Ryan toast...) and one in black. I'd go for the darker version; it's got the "Elite" label.
I don't think it's programmed to ask what you want to toast. Which if there are any Red Dwarf fans reading this you know that's a major positive when buying a toaster. For those who aren't, here's why.
#2: Tatted Up
Hockey players may be one of the most conservative bunches of pro athletes around, but that doesn't stop them from hitting the nearest tattoo parlor from time to time. For the fan who wants to mimic their favorite player, but with much less pain and bleeding, here's the merch for you.
A pack of 20 mini tattoos goes great on fake nails. Who knew?!
At the beginning and end of the season, when most would say it's "t-shirt weather", or if you're that hardcore and sport the shirsey from October through April, you can enhance you display of love with these two fake arm sleeve tattoos. Go old and worn or new and bright.
#1: What the wha?
From time to time businesses will sell off old supplies of long forgotten items just to recoup as much of the cost as they can. The whole something is better than nothing axiom applies here. Well, apparently the NHL was digging way, WAY back in the warehouse when they found copies of NHL 2k6. Yes, that is Marty Turco standing on the ice and not sitting on the bench.
I'm at a loss as to what this game has to do with the Blues, as to explain why it's being offered on their little part of the NHL store, but maybe it's one of those things best left unexplained...