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Wednesday Links - Fart Noises & Other Assorted Fun

Blues get their asses kicked. Maxim Lapierre does stupid shit. It's all Robb's fault Jaro had a bad game. THE SKY IS FALLING. Actually, it's just one game. But here are some links.

By Donut King
I don't believe you'll be seeing either of these guys for a while.
I don't believe you'll be seeing either of these guys for a while.
Dilip Vishwanat

Well hey, I guess the Blues aren't going to be overconfident or anything going into the game in Chicago tomorrow night. So, uh, there's that.

BLUES NEWS:

  • 60 minutes of Dumb. Well put, Ash. The Blues got their balls kicked in 6-2 by the Sharks last night. [SLGT]
  • If this hit from behind by Maxim Lapierre on Dan Boyle isn't "suspendable" for at least three games, I'm not sure exactly what IS suspendable anymore. Just brace for it. It's coming. Yes, he was ejected for the hit, but that shouldn't matter. [SLGT]
  • Before the game, our "Fancy Stats" guy, Robb Tufts, noted that Jaroslav Halak had a 1.000 save percentage when the ice was 5v5 and the game was close. After last night, that's no longer the case, so you can blame Robb for that. (RIGHT, ROBB? :-) I kid, I kid.) [SLGT]
  • Ackermania had a great Lighting The Lamp piece for last night's game. In fact, the paper crew as a whole did an EXCELLENT job with the final issue of the opening home stand. Pat yourselves on the back and enjoy a week off. [SLGT]
  • Remember, #RoyWatch is on. As of last night, it's now at 6 points for Derek Roy through 5 games. Not bad, little guy. [SLGT]

HOCKEY NEWS:

  • Believe it or not, the Blues-Sharks game wasn't the only game last night. There were a fuck-ton of them. Scores! (And no, I'm not posting recaps of all of them today. Sorry.) [NHL.com]
  • Only two games tonight. One is "meh" though it features two teams off to hot starts (the Flames meet the Ducks in Anaheim) while the other is a playoff rematch from last year between teams starting slow (the Rangers pay a visit to the Capitals). [NHL.com]
  • Shitbirds do shitty things. Sabres forward Patrick Kaleta is a shitbird. For that elbow to Jack Johnson's head from last week, he gets a total of 10 games. Even though the two hits were not at all similar, don't be shocked if this is used as a guide to how Lapierre's fithly hit on Boyle is judged by the league. [NHL.com]
  • A Maple Leafs season ticket holder passed away, and the Leafs sent flowers and a really nice letter to his family. Which is really, really nice. [Reddit Hockey]
  • You cannot tell me this Tampa Bay Lightning fan didn't know EXACTLY what he was doing when celebrating this goal with a . . . ummm, friend. [Deadspin]
  • Stefan Noesen, one of the prospects acquired by the Ducks in the Bobby Ryan deal, will miss the remainder of the season after tearing two ligaments in his knee at practice. [LA Times]
  • Jarome Iginla has yet to score a goal for the Bruins, but he'll be getting some bonus incentives soon regardless. #Iggy4Lyfe [Puck Daddy]

OTHER SHIT:

  • Thanks to a strong finish by the United States, Mexico did not get bounced from a qualifying bid for the World Cup. The USMNT Twitter account made sure to point this out, in several ways. #TrollGaze [SB Nation]
  • There's a lot of things booming in China. One of them? Cockroach farming. You creepy motherfuckers. [Y! / The Sideshow]
  • Aaron Hernandez's girlfriend has been accused of destroying evidence. Probably not going to end well for either one of them, actually. [Deadspin]

VIDEO:

I'm not feeling like putting any video of last night's game, so instead, you get Mental Floss's debunking of 30 life hacks. It's pretty damn good, actually:

Some of these are useful, I suppose.

J-Mill was working on a piece (and possibly a petition) to kill get Maxim Lapierre off the roster. We'll see if he finishes it.

Also, Beyond Checkerdome Episode 13 posts today. And was recorded before last night's shitfail happened, so it's already out of date. Whatever, we ain't give no fuck.