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St. Louis Game Time Opening Night Drinking Game

Let's be real - you don't need my help to drink yourself stupid tonight, but I'll give you a hand anyway.

"Psssst...you've got mustard on your jersey - oh wait..."
"Psssst...you've got mustard on your jersey - oh wait..."
Scott Rovak-USA TODAY Sports

I've heard some rumors that some of you guys appreciate your adult beverages. Not pointing fingers, but each and everyone of you are fucking alcoholics who need help.

But get help tomorrow - tonight, we have hockey to watch! And as such, we're here to help you achieve the maximum level of inebriation while you enjoy tonight's game against the Nashville Mustard Stains - sorry, the Predators.

I'm probably required to state for the record that neither St. Louis Game Time nor SBNation endorses over-consumption, underage drinking, or drinking and driving. Basically, have fun, be responsible, and don't be a dumbass.

With that said, here are your rules for tonight:

Take one drink whenever...

  • ...the Blues take a penalty in the offensive zone.
  • ...John Kelly mentions today's Cardinals game.
  • ..."You got that right!" *High-five!*
  • ...someone alludes to but awkwardly dances around the fact that Seth Jones is black.
  • ...T.J. Oshie falls down.
  • ...someone calls Brenden Morrow "a great pick-up/signing."

Take two drinks whenever...

  • ...Vladimir Tarasenko loses the puck while trying to cut in from the right wing.
  • ...John Kelly mentions last week's Rams game. (Then drink again to forget.)
  • ...Vladimir Sobotka plays a shift on the power play.
  • ...Barry Trotz gets really angry and looks like a pimple about ready to pop.
  • ...Panger says "Holy Jumpin'!"
  • ...Bernie &/or Panger has trouble explaining hybrid icing.

Take three drinks whenever...

  • ...Magnus Paajarvi scores.
  • ...John Kelly mentions the government shutdown.
  • ...Brian Elliott comes in for Jaroslav Halak/Halak comes in for Elliott.
  • ...someone says "Perds."
  • ...Panger says "The ol' Nine-of-Hearts!"
  • ...St. Louis Game Time makes an on-screen appearance.

Finish your drink if...

  • ...Barret Jackman scores.
  • ...John Kelly mentions game 6 of the St. Louis Hawks-Boston Celtics 1958 NBA finals.
  • ...any player gets a Gordie Howe hat trick.
  • ...Shea Weber makes a suspension-worthy dirty play and doesn't even get a penalty.
  • ...there's a goalie fight.
  • ...Panger says "Holy fucking shitballs!"

Again, please drink responsibly.

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