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Thursday Links - PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC

Some defenseman guy won't be at training camp. Book reviews. Beyond Checkerdome Episode 8. Remembering 9/11 with one of our own AND regarding two Kings. And . . . it's not porn. Happy training camp day! Unless you already jumped off the bridge.

By Donut King
One of these dudes will be in the shape of his life, the other will be signing a bridge contract soon.
One of these dudes will be in the shape of his life, the other will be signing a bridge contract soon.
Rich Lam

HOLY SHIT EVERYBODY FREAK OUT IT'S . . . oh fuck, the season hasn't started yet, has it?

Also, the asshole who posted the "Alex Pujolsangelo" picture meme in the Game Time group yesterday . . . you're a fucking moron, and you're part of the reason why I am not soliciting links from the group anymore. And I don't give a shit if I've hurt your feelings, either, so I'm not sorry.

HEY, I WONDER WHAT I'M LEADING OFF WITH TODAY! HMMMMMM, LET'S SEE . . . .

BLUES NEWS:

  • Alex Pietrangelo will not be reporting to training camp when it starts later today. EVERYBODY PANIC, HE'S NEVER GONNA BE BACK HE'S oh fucking shut up. [SLGT]
  • Our dataviz/"Fancy Stats" guy, Robb Tufts, recently read "Hockey Abstract" and reviewed it for us kind folks at Game Time. [SLGT]
  • Beyond Checkerdome, Episode Ocho. We talk about Ryan Whitney, Brett Hull, Traverse City, bad beer and other fun shit. [SLGT]
  • On a more serious note . . . get the Google Translate out to read this from Dutch to English, but our European sports journalist pal FanFromEurope spoke with our own I_AM_SPARTACUS, who had a very unique experience on 9/11/01. It is a bone-chilling story, to say the least. [Gerard's Blog]

HOCKEY NEWS:

  • Speaking of 9/11 . . . a re-publish from 2009 about Mark Bavis and Garnet "Ace" Bailey, two of hockey's own that perished on Flight 175, the one that hit the South Tower on 9/11. Something I didn't know . . . Bruce Boudreau was supposed to be on that flight. [Puck Daddy]
  • Gregory Campbell and Patrice Bergeron were beat up pretty badly by the time the playoffs were over last season for the Bruins. Well, they've both been cleared for practice, but not games. [Big Bad Blog]
  • Speaking of the Bruins . . . somehow, this slipped through the cracks, but Cornelius at Stanley Cup of Chowder tries to convey what he hates about the Blues and really doesn't come up with much. To his credit. Not that our pal Sarah would've allowed it had he found something, but . . . (S/T to CrossCheckRaise) [Stanley Cup of Chowder]
  • Cody Hodgson apparently has been improving enough in Buffalo that the Sabres gave him a 6-year extension. Good for him, I suppose. SIGN THE CONTRACT NOW PETRO OR ELSE I'M GONNA oh give it a fucking rest. [NHL.com]
  • The Ducks may be getting ready for a pretty awesome Throwback Night, well ahead of their outdoor game with the Kings. Quack quack, motherfucker. [Icethetics]
  • Joni Pitkanen, arguably the Hurricanes' best offensive defenseman, will not be playing in 2013-14 due to a heel injury that isn't . . . ummm, HEALING properly. Like Cam Ward REALLY needs more reason to become a knockout drunk . . . . [Charlotte News Observer / Canes Now]
  • Video embedding was disabled while the NHL fiddled with a new video distribution and playing system. Of course, people lost their minds over it, but never fear! It will be coming back soon. (Well, it'd better come back soon, or else I'M gonna lose my mind.) [Puck Daddy]

OTHER SHIT:

  • Remember that link yesterday about the Champaign pizza joint that was giving free pizza for tits? Well, Mark Primiano at The Champaign Room will not be standing up for said joint, nor any other Central Illinois pizza joint. Presumably, he's never been to Cavataio's in Staunton. Then again, as a Stauntonian, I can gladly say I wouldn't be shocked if he hasn't even heard of the town. [The Champaign Room]
  • Wanna wash your hands after you piss? You may be better off putting your hands in the toilet water and rinsing it off with straight-up E coli. [Y! / The Sideshow]
  • "How should I feel about the latest sports scandal?" Deadspin has a handy guide. [Deadspin]

VIDEO:

CrossCheckRaise comes through again . . . this time, with a very, VERY NSFW but FUCKING HILARIOUS video. Just watch. IF YOU ARE NOT AT WORK OR AT SCHOOL JESUS CHRIST I CAN'T STRESS THAT ENOUGH:

See what I mean?

J-Mill has been hard at work the last couple days. I can tell, since I can see the smoke coming out of his ears from all the way out here in Montucky. Anyway, he not only has the links for the weekend, but he's got a new "HOW-TO HATE" coming up for you today, it appears.