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Wednesday Links - The NHL Sucks At Curbing Fights

Fake hockey previews. Dumb NHL rules to curb fighting. My Little Pony. Joshua Harris is the reverse Bill Laurie. Matt Cooke is still a douche, just becoming less of one. Hockey in Seattle? And Australian rugby cock-biting. Hump the day.

By Donut King
This season, Jay Rosehill is gonna be penalized an extra two minutes for being helmetless. And that is fucking stupid.
This season, Jay Rosehill is gonna be penalized an extra two minutes for being helmetless. And that is fucking stupid.
USA TODAY Sports

Remember when Petro wasn't signed yet? Good times. Or were they?

BLUES NEWS:

  • Has Petro signed yet? Oh, he has? Right. Oh wait, I just talked about that.
  • The Blues play the Lightning(s) in Orlando tonight. Brian Elliott is expected to start in goal for the Note. [Blues]

HOCKEY NEWS:

  • So if you take your helmet off during a fight, you get two minutes for unsportsmanlike conduct in addition to your five minutes for fighting. Because they can't ban fighting, so they have to phase it out in other ways. NHL, you're fucking ridiculous. [Puck Daddy]
  • Drew MacIntyre, who will probably not make the Maple Leafs roster, apparently has a "My Little Pony" themed goalie mask. [Reddit Hockey]
  • Goalie pad size was reduced again. And of course, the guys who had small pads to begin with are laughing at the guys who have used massive pads in the past. Because apparently goalies don't have anything else to bitch about, eh? [Puck Daddy]
  • Joshua Harris bought the Devils because of the Prudential Center, not because of the Devils. This would sound EXACTLY like Bill Laurie if Harris didn't also already own an NBA team (the 76ers). [Bloomberg]
  • Louis LeBlanc was sent to Hamilton as part of the Canadiens' roster cuts. His girlfriend, Canadian professional tennis player Aleksandra Wozniak, was not too pleased with the decision, apparently. [Puck Daddy]
  • Matt Cooke apparently no longer wants to be known for being "that douche that ended Marc Savard's career". Hey, remember, the Blues play this guy five times this year. Oh fucking joy. [Minneapolis Star-Tribune]
  • Patrick Kane says Bryan Bickell has to play like he did in the 2013 playoffs to earn his keep. Um, good luck with that, Bryan. [Chicago Tribune]
  • Apparently the NHL is watching the Seattle arena project. Oh Goddamn, if these folks can figure out this thing, I will be in HEAVEN. Seattle isn't too far away from me. [KING 5]

OTHER SHIT:

  • Apparently, cock-biting is a problem in Australian league rugby. A lot of shit can happen in the scrum, but this is a new one on me. [Y! / Reuters]
  • That Bo Pelini thing I linked to yesterday? Well, it was originally a Deadspin thing. They explain how it was acquired . . . and it basically furthers my belief that if he gets fired for this, Nebraska deserves the shitty football program that follows the firing. [Deadspin]
  • Finger regeneration? Fucking cool. Especially for farmers. Because that's some dangerous shit. [Y! / The Sideshow]
  • Former Broncos tight end Nate Jackson, who at times would write on Deadspin as "Jack Nasty", released a book yesterday. I want to read this. [Deadspin]
  • James Shields and Wil Myers were the key components to an offseason Rays-Royals trade, and now they're nearly directly competing against each other for an MLB playoff spot, which is . . . well, quite unprecedented. Also in that trade . . . Highland, IL product Jake Odorizzi. [Deadspin]

VIDEO:

Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake run down the history of the NFL End Zone Celebration. (S/T to Kate)

Also, if there's a human alive who should be the permanent host of Saturday Night Live, it should be Justin Timberlake. Just sayin'. And I'm a straight dude.

Episode 9 of Beyond Checkerdome posts this afternoon. Exciting things ahead for the podcast!

Some St. Charles Chill news from Randall coming later this morning as well.