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Wednesday Links - Win However You Can

Blues win ugly. Game of inches. Oshie the top star. Passing stats project. One second and a shitload of PIM's. More numbers. Fictional baseball team. Pederast dick-hanging cartoon bear. Acupuncture gone wrong. And Officers Onrait & O'Toole. Hump day!

By Donut King
T.J. Oshie are good at the hockeys.
T.J. Oshie are good at the hockeys.
Dilip Vishwanat

Could you tell the Blues hadn't played since Friday? I could.

BLUES NEWS:

  • Jaroslav Halak was #JaroWater, and he needed to be. The Blues got two goals from T.J. Oshie (though he told the press after the game that his second goal should've gone to Jaden Schwartz) and Jaro stopped 20 of 21 and looked like his old self at times in a grinding, boring 2-1 win over the Coyotes. Whatcha got, ActualGodawfulVoltron? [SLGT]
  • Here's what Five For Howling had to say about that game. Yes, it sure IS a game of inches, eh? [Five For Howling]
  • I mentioned Oshie . . . well, he was Puck Daddy's Number One Star of the Night. [Puck Daddy]

HOCKEY NEWS:

  • Eleven games last night. The Blackhawks are going to win the division with like 20 overtime/shootout losses. Jesus fuck. [NHL.com 01/14/14]
  • Three games tonight. Your Wednesday Night Rivalry actually is somewhat relevant, kinda but not really, but sure. Yeah, it's Penguins and Capitals! [NHL.com 01/15/14]
  • A writer at In Lou We Trust needs your help with a passing stats project. [SLGT]
  • Much has been made of what Tom Sestito did on Monday . . . racking up 27 minutes of penalty time while logging exactly ONE SECOND of ice time. If you look at his face, you might be able to tell what he might have done. Holy turtle, Jordan Nolan! [Puck Daddy]
  • Score-adjusted Fenwick and remaining strength-of-schedule says that the Blues are pretty good, as are the Kings, Blackhawks and Sharks . . . and that the Avalanche(s) have a rough go ahead of them. [NHL Numbers]

OTHER SHIT:

  • The Ultimate Fictional Baseball Team. [BuzzFeed]
  • The Cubs' pederast-looking new mascot, Clark the Cub, has been reviled and violated by the fine commentariat over at Deadspin. Well, the photoshop that started it . . . which was very X-rated . . . ended up on a Comcast SportsNet Washington broadcast. Whoops. [Deadspin]
  • A Korean woman had hundreds of gold acupuncture needles in her knees. And wondered why she maybe, MAYBE had knee problems. Gee, I dunno! [Y! News / LiveScience]

VIDEO:

Officers Onrait and O'Toole get heckled by a mite team in this Coke Zero commercial outtake:

Not a wise thing to creep on kids, gentlemen.

Oh, you know you have links that you want to send! You might even have videos! Well hey, send 'em to me and get credit for it: