A Letter To Ken Hitchcock

Jerome Miron-USA TODAY Sports

Dear Ken,

As a Blues fan I am accustomed to drinking an obscene amount of alcohol to either watch or forget this hockey team. It goes together like Louie and pedophiles. But my recent spike in alcohol intake has been directly because of the shit I am seeing on the ice as a result of your decisions. I thought I would put together some key pointers for you while I come down from this latest binge before we get our lunch handed to us again in the playoffs.

  1. Derek Roy on the 4th line? Stop it. Now. If you don't like the way a guy is playing, then put his ass in the Ian Cole box. Plain and simple.
  2. The Berglund / Stewart duo has never worked. Ever. Give it up. John Tortorella and the Calgary Flames have better chemistry. Keep Berglund on the left wing and put him where he is a support piece and not the distributor. Plus seeing real centers like Mike Richards and Ryan Getzlaf light his line up is awful for our ever tortured liver.
  3. Vladamir Tarasenko is a stud and is tearing up this league playing with spare parts. Morrow / Sobotka / Tarasenko? Are you fist fucking me? I'm shocked he didn't defect for the KHL on the spot. I know Sobotka is your adopted son, but please surround Tarasenko with some playmakers. If Army has his heart set on acquiring more defensemen, then take a look at that guy named Steen and put him with Tarasenko. I hear they played real well together last year.
  4. Go back to having a 4th line that created energy and physically beat the fuck out of people. Guys like Roy, Schwartz, and Paajarvi are skilled players that have this ability to create a foreign concept called offense. I'm floored that the Reaves / Roy duo didn't light it up vs. LA. FLOORED.
  5. The Blues have a pretty shitty marketing department and can use all the help they can get. If you're going to get another wild hair and throw shit against a wall and create lines out of it, at least get the fans involved and make a new promotion out of it. Trust me, it wouldn't be the worst marketing move ever. (See: Louie, Worlds Largest Bluenote, Berglund on the Piano).

I applaud and hat tip for the best start in franchise history and the 3-0 record vs. Chicago thus far, but the recent decline in what makes this hockey team click has put the fan base on high alert. I fully believe you will turn this around, as you have many times since you've arrived and look forward to many more rollercoaster rides. Just remember, devastating injuries and inconsistent goaltending have been a part of this franchise since 1967 and fans have accepted it. The one thing the fan base will not tolerate is their coach turning in to a hybrid of Mike Keenan and Andy Murray.

Best of luck tonight and Fuck Detroit,

Arthur P Lippo

Please make sure that any content you post is appropriate to Game Time, which means that it pertains to hockey, the Blues, and frosty adult beverages.

In This FanPost


Trending Discussions