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Inglourious Backes 2: From Russia With Loathing

With the announcement of the Canadian Olympic roster, only one question remains: when can we expect David Backes to go America all over everybody's asses?

"It's nothing personal guys. Strictly business."
"It's nothing personal guys. Strictly business."
Frederick Breedon

Four years ago, David Backes was named to his first Olympic roster for Team USA, and like any red-blooded American, he just couldn't wait to kick some Canadian ass. Not 36 hours after being named to Team USA he, decided to make Jonathan Toews go bulimic in one of the most memorable moments of the modern day Blues-Blackhawks rivalry.

After taking down Captain Serious, Backes punched his way through the rest of the 2010 Canadian roster, causing Greg "Puck Daddy" Wyshinski to dub him "Inglourious Backes," a nickname that not only sticks to this day, but led to an awesome (and slightly controversial) T-shirt which many of us are proud owners of, myself included.

Now here in 2014, The Inglourious One will once again be representing the Stars & Stripes, while the Red-And-White Menace announced their squad yesterday morning. Which begs the question: when can we expect an encore?

Let's take a look at the games on the Blues schedule leading up to the Olympic break and find the possible release dates for Inglourious Backes 2:

(All fighting history below courtesy of

January 10th vs. Vancouver Canucks: Dan Hamhuis , Roberto Luongo

Although it may be the first crack Cap gets this time around, this one seems unlikely, as Dan Hamhuis hasn't fought since March of 2010 and has never dropped the gloves more than once in any NHL season. However, it's worth noting that Backes' last tour of the Great White North mostly consisted of opponents not usually known for fighting (although all were very willing participants, FTR), and as a defenseman who likely would be matched up against the S.O.B. line, don't be shocked to see it come to fruition nonetheless.

If Roberto Luongo fought David Backes, there would be far bigger story lines than the USA-Canada rivalry.

January 14th vs. Phoenix Coyotes: Mike Smith

Again, not happening. Although it'd be nice to see Mike Smith dramatically fall down for a reason for once.

January 16th vs. Los Angeles Kings: Jeff Carter , Drew Doughty

History might not be in favor of it, but here would be an interesting one, especially with the burgeoning Blues-Kings rivalry and the 5-0 thumping LA took last week. Jeff Carter only has two fights in his NHL career, but I can't be the only one thinking he could use a few fists to his coke-vacuum. Same goes for Doughty, who only has one fisticuff on his resume, against Joe Thornton in 2012.

January 18th vs. Anaheim Ducks: Ryan Getzlaf , Corey Perry

Getzlaf has been known to be a willing dance partner from time to time, although he's been less likely to in recent years. But a few shoves and mouthy chirps both ways, and a captain-vs-captain throwdown between two of the biggest, baddest top line centers in the league could very well be in the cards. Count me down as someone who'd like to see this one happen!

Corey Perry was actually part of Backes' 2010 fist-nado, and for a sniper who scored 50 goals just a couple years ago, he's a real fucking prick on the ice. He does, however, often back up his play, having already dropped the gloves 3 times this season. Here's Backes vs Perry round one:

A grudge match could very well spring up once again.

January 23rd vs. New York Rangers: Rick Nash

nAsh was also a stop on the 2010 tour back in his days with the Blue Jackets . With Torts out on Broadway, an old Central division revival might not be in the cards, but if the Captain can lay another clean hit like this one on him again, who knows what might happen:

Nash might have gotten the better of the punches, but if you bring that hit into consideration, you might call that a draw.

January 25th vs New York Islanders: John Tavares

I was surprised to find that the Islanders phenom actually has a Hockey Fights page, even if if only includes one scrap so long ago that it was against the Atlanta Thrashers. This game is actually on Long Island, so if the Isles know what's good for them Tavares will be kept as far away from the SOB line as possible for matchup reasons, so the chances of surprise frustration fight will be slim at best.

February 2nd vs Nashville Predators: Shea Weber

Considering the tight, physical games that the Blues and Preds have played over the years, it's a bit surprising that Shea Weber has never fought against St. Louis before. But with nationalistic pride on the line (and let's be real, very little else for Smashville) that could change on Groundhog's Day. And if it does, I expect to see an Inglourious Backes/Groundhog's Day movie poster mash-up. Don't let me down, Game Timers!

February 6th vs Boston Bruins: Patrice Bergeron

It'd be a potential scrap that would give our friend Sarah Connors all the feels in New England, but it's not especially likely. Two of Bergeron's only three fights credited on HF were in the playoffs, one last year against the Penguins (Geno Malkin, of all people) and another against their historic rivals, the Canadiens , so he's clearly the kind to only go at it in the most tense of situations. Perhaps a match up between these teams *ahem* later this season might see the two Selke candidates go toe to toe, especially since they would likely see a lot of each other on the ice, but don't put down any money on seeing it this winter.

The last day before the Olympic break is one month from today, so there could be any number of Canadian injuries between now and then (whether they be of an Inglourious origin or not). In addition to the above games, the Blues also play the Flames, the Red Wings, the Devils (twice), the Hurricanes, the Senators, and the Jets before flying off to Sochi, so keep an eye out for any Canadian replacements between now and then.

But for now, if you happen to be any of these Canadians, it could behoove you to start planning on how you're going to catch "the flu" on or around those dates now, so it'll be slightly less suspicious that night.