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Wednesday Links - Facial Fitness! (IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK!)

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I showed my wife how to do these today. I'm a horrible teacher. But here's the end result! (BTW, I did the links, not her. She'll let you know when it's her . . . but trust me, you'll be able to figure it out.)

Quick! Someone press Marty's LifeAlert button! HE CAN'T GET UP!
Quick! Someone press Marty's LifeAlert button! HE CAN'T GET UP!
Jasen Vinlove-USA TODAY Sports

No beer and no hockey make Homer something something.

BLUES NEWS:

  • Brian Elliott spoke to the media for the first time since his injury, David Backes is ailing but not ruled out for tomorrow night, Jay Bouwmeester and Alexander Steen are questionable while Carl Gunnarsson is out, Anders Lee's fate was revealed (more on that later) and Jake Allen gets the call Thursday. Lou has notes! [In The Slot / Lou Korac]
  • Because we really need a reminder of how fuck-awful of a coach/GM Mike Keenan was in St. Louis, Sean McIndoe (AKA "Down Goes Brown") HAD to go remind us again. Seriously. Fuck Mike Keenan. (S/T to J-Mill) [Grantland]

HOCKEY NEWS:

  • Ten games last night. The Sabres just cannot fucking lose to the California teams, apparently. And HOLY SHIT, the Islanders love blowing big leads to Conference III opponents! [NHL.com 12/09/14]
  • Two games today. Remember when the Maple Leafs and Red Wings were in the same divi . . . oh wait, they are again. [NHL.com 12/10/14]
  • The Canadiens hono(u)red "Le Gros Bill", Jean Beliveau, in the way only the Habs can before their game with the Canucks last night. RIP, Jean. [NHL.com]
  • Anders Lee was NOT suspended for his elbow to Gunnarsson's jaw. Instead, he was fined half a game check, the maximum allowed under the CBA. Good Job Good Effort, NHL Department of Player Safety. Fuck off. [NHL.com]
  • Monday night, Kevin Klein (no, not the St. Louis-born actor, the Rangers defenseman . . . spelled differently anyway, whatever) scored the game-winner in overtime AFTER having part of his ear taken off. Literally. It had to be, like, stitched back on and shit. [CBS Sports Eye on Hockey]
  • How big is net for Ducks? HUMANGOUS big. Ilya Bryzgalov is officially back with the Quack. Also, insufferable shithead Corey Perry is out for nearly a month. [USA Today]
  • In this week's NCAA Hockey 101, Ryan Lambert writes about whether the top powers will come together in time, whether or not there are any actual GREAT teams in the NCAA, Hockey East at the break and Robert Morris running away with Atlantic Hockey. [Puck Daddy]
  • Wild(s) defenseman Marco Scandella is drunk with power after getting off from his shoulder hit on the head of T.J. Oshie . . . or, perhaps, Scandella is just drunk. [CBS Sports Eye on Hockey]
  • Teams could still find trouble with their cap situation even if it goes up approximately $4MM to $73MM next season. Oh, hello, Chicago. [USA Today / For The Win]
  • The 15 biggest disappointments of the NHL season so far. None of them involve the Blues, unless you want to count the mumps. [Puck Daddy]
  • Rangers rookie Anthony Duclair will be loaned to Team Canada for the World Junior Championships in Montreal/Toronto later this month. [CBS Sports Eye on Hockey]
  • The Flyers are trying to find Vincent Lecavalier a new home, but they're finding it difficult to move a six-ton boat anchor (AKA, the shell of what's left of Vinny's career) to anywhere they'd like it to go. Also known as . . . HE'S OLD AND HE SUCKS. [USA Today]
  • Remember Paul Bissonnette and his short tenure with the Blues for training camp? Well, he was released from a player tryout with the Portland Pirates and now has signed a tryout with the Manchester Monarchs, the Kings' AHL affiliate. [Manchester Monarchs]

OTHER SHIT:

  • Heart, soul and the Bayou Classic. Grambling State and Southern University, New Orleans, every year. Here's a well-done Longform on this game, rivalry and tradition. [SB Nation / Longform]
  • A Belgian league soccer player wants to . . . ummm, do THAT . . . to your girlfriend, after scoring a goal. [Deadspin / Screamer]
  • Never put your sheep in a Goddamn Christmas sweater. EVER. [Y! / AP]

VIDEO:

Here's Noel Fielding and some of his pals doing a parody of something called "Facial Fitness" on The Last Leg with comedian Adam Hills (who only has one leg . . . but hey, he IS awesome, so who cares, right?). This will not be the only The Last Leg clip you'll see this week, by the way:

Check it out! A dick joke!

Send your links, Noel Fielding videos and other shizznit over this way:

And we'll have Episode 64 of Beyond Checkerdome ready later this week. Probably tomorrow!