Monday Open Bar: Stupid Canada Makes Us Miserable

Welp, that's over with.

Some quick links to get you guys going this morning.

HOCKEY NEWS:

• Those guys up North won 6 games of hockey, so now we won't hear the end of it for 4 goddamn years. [SBNation]
• Your tournament MVP is Teemu Selanne (#TeemuForever!). The Olympic All-Star Team is Henrik Lundqvist (although Carey Price was voted Best Goaltender), Drew Doughty, Erik Karlsson (Best Defenseman), Teemu, Mikael Granlund, and Phil Kessel (Best Forward). [Puck Daddy]
• Some controversy just before puck drop yesterday morning, as Sweden's Nicklas Backstrom was told that he would not be eligible for the Gold Medal game after failing a drug test. The test which he failed was administered on Wednesday, meaning that Backstrom had been allowed to play in Sweden's semifinal match against Finland before being told of his disqualification. And as if that weren't suspicious enough, the substance for which he was disqualified from the biggest game of his life: pseudoephedrine. Allergy medication. #InternationalCanadianConspiracy [Puck Daddy]
• After winning two Gold Medals, Steve Yzerman will step down from his position as Olympic GM for Hockey Canada, making way for someone else to have the easiest fucking job in the whole world. [The Hockey News]
• Okay, now that that travesty is over, time to remind you all how the NHL standings look - I almost forgot how nice the view is from the top of the Central Division! NHL games begin again tomorrow night (assuming you consider Carolina-Buffalo as an NHL game). [NHL Standings]
• Closer to home, yesterday was Prospect Sunday here on Game Time. [SLGT; SLGT; SLGT; SLGT]

OTHER SHIT:

• The final medal count for the 2014 Sochi Winter Olympic Games saw the USA finish second with 28 overall medals, 9 of which were gold. The Russians finished with 33 to top the count in what I'm sure was a completely legitimate and untainted collection. [Yahoo! Sports]
• While watching figure skating this month, did you fall in love with the commenting duo of Johnny Weir and Tara Lipinski? That's more than acceptable, it merely means that you're human. Don't worry though, because they'll be back together on the Red Carpet for this weekend's Academy Awards. [Fourth Place Medal]
• Speaking of accepting that you're human, Jason Collins, the NBA player who came out last year, signed with the Brooklyn Nets yesterday and played last night against the Lakers, making him the first openly homosexual male athlete to play in a major professional sports league in America. (Even I admit that MLS still doesn't count as "major," even if Robbie Rogers did it first.) [Outsports]
• This year's rankings for Most Content/Most Miserable States, and it lists Missouri as the 8th most miserable state in the union. Additionally, they say that Missouri ranks among the lowest in the country for emotional health, which means that Missouri must hate Canada as much as I do. [24/7 Wall Street]

VIDEOS:

Now that the Olympics are over, I can go back to admitting that this was one of the best videos on the internet. A Bloge Salming/Down Goes Brown classic.

If you've never watched Hannah Hart & her YouTube series My Drunk Kitchen, I don't think you're allowed on YouTube. But basically, she gets wasted so she can make food & a shit load of puns. Here's her latest episode, with a little help the Emmy-winning star of Weeds, Mary Louise Parker!

Tyler will back from wherever he is tomorrow, so hook him up with some links.

• gtdonutking AT gmail DOT com
• @KingDonutI

Have you guys ever heard of this thing called the "St. Louis Blues?" Not the song, but apparently they're this professional club of ice hockey players that play right here in St. Louis! They even play against other clubs from other cities, and they will continue doing so this week. Wow...the things you learn after the Olympics are over. I think we all should buy some tickets and go see these guys, whadayasay?