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Wednesday Links - Toronto Goalies Like Shots

No NHL-level goalie should ever try to sign with the Leafs, unless he's a masochist. That, and links. But seriously, the Leafs have a problem with their back-end ahead of their goaltender and it is EGREGIOUS. Also, the NFL is full of dumbshits.

By Donut King
AMERICA-GASM
AMERICA-GASM
Tom Szczerbowski-USA TODAY Sport

Hi. How ya doin' today? Good? Well, of course. You're not a goaltender for the Toronto Maple Leafs, are you?

BLUES NEWS:

  • The Maple Leafs suck at this thing called "stopping the other team from shooting the puck", see. And it ended up with the Leafs being doubled up in shots by the Blues and losing 5-3 to them. Hildy with your recap, which includes graphic evidence and such. [SLGT]
  • David Backes was the Number One Star in Puck Daddy's Three Stars. Which means the Blues are all out for glory or something, according to the Asylum. So fuck that noise, better trade him because, y'know, he's not Captain Material because reasons and science and shit. [Puck Daddy]
  • What's up with Patrik Berglund? Robb gives it a look. [SLGT]

HOCKEY NEWS:

  • Ten games last night. All of them ended with final scores and shit. The Avalanche (s) now hold the Conference III Title Belt, by the way. [NHL.com 03/25/14]
  • Three games tonight. After a log week off to appease Conference III, the "Wednesday Night Traditional Eastern Rivalry" is back. [NHL.com 03/26/14]
  • If Jaro and the Capitals end up knocking the Red Wings out of the playoffs, I will have a #JaroBoner forever. AND YOU CAN'T STOP IT, MOTHERFUCKER. [NHL.com Standings]
  • The difference between St. Louis and Winnipeg, apparently, is that Andrew Ladd is told he's an evil fuck for missing a game for the birth of his child, while it's totally cool in St. Louis. As, y'know, it SHOULD be. Because FUCK YOU, WINNIPEG, YOU HEARTLESS DICKS. YOU DON'T DESERVE HOCKEY. [Puck Daddy]
  • There's movement for Mike Babcock for the Jack Adams Award. Really, Jon Cooper should get it, and Lambert tells you why (apart from "FUCK DETROIT"). [The Score / Backhand Shelf]
  • The Blue Jackets won a game over the Red Wings on the power of a goal that was questionable. I would agree with the Red Wings, but I dunno if you figured this out earlier . . . FUCK DETROIT. BOO FUCKETTY HOO, RED ASSHOLES. [Puck Daddy]
  • "Om Nom Nom" is, in fact, NOT an acceptable excuse for biting one's arm in juniors. [Puck Daddy]

OTHER SHIT:

  • The NFL made it illegal to celebrate a touchdown by putting the football through the goalposts like a basketball. Because the NFL is a bunch of stupid motherfuckers who hate fun, really. Be happy you're hockey fans, people. I'm serious. It's the last place where people can play the game, have fun and act like fucking humans anymore without getting fucking slagged for it. And if you ever slag another sport's players for celebrating . . . fuck yourself. Repeatedly. THEY'RE NOT ROBOTS, YOU FUCK. [SB Nation]
  • That's the only one you need, really. Let that sink in . . . .
  • BUT . . . My Geordies lost to Everton last night. So my links partner-in-crime decided to rub it in. (S/T to that shitbag.) (Yeah, you know who he is.) (But I don't really mean that.) (Because he's only a shitbag for . . . the moment.) (J-Mill, you're cool, man.) [Pro Soccer Talk]

VIDEO:

Steve "Dangle" Glynn has your recap of last night's game:

Nope. Leafs suck. Sorry, mang.

Also, sorry if I seem pissy. But really, I'm not sorry, because . . . well, I don't care.

Anyway, send stuff, please. It'll make you feel better:

Beyond Checkerdome Episode 36 is on your way later today. We like drinkin', ya know.

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