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April Fools' Links - Holiday For Amateur Jerks

Today panders to the people who think they're clever but actually aren't. I will not appease those asswipes today. Instead, click on things that are actually happening.

Steve Ott is on your team. APRIL FOOLS! Oh wait, that didn't work.
Steve Ott is on your team. APRIL FOOLS! Oh wait, that didn't work.
Claus Andersen

I've got an April Fools' joke for you.


Seriously, Major League Baseball should ask for TODAY to be a national fucking holiday. There are more assholes in the United States than baseball fans by this point. And most of the assholes ARE baseball fans.


  • Eight games in 13 days? Not a problem, I suppose. Lou has words on it and stuff. [In The Slot / Lou Korac]
  • And a friendly reminder that tonight's Blues game is on NBCSN, so set your remote-clicking schedules accordingly . . . along with your beer-drinking schedules and such.
  • T.J. Oshie had an awesome month of March. He reaped the benefits of his Sochi success, he became a father for the first time . . . AND he netted his first hat trick last week. Mostly because of that last item, he was named the NHL's Third Star of the Week last week. []



  • Four games last night, and two of them were on national television, for some dumb fucking reason. All of them ended, eventually. [ 03/31/14]
  • Eleven contests tonight. I assume you wanna know most about that one in St. Louis. Buy a paper. [ 04/01/14]
  • If Obscene Alex says "Shit Hat" in languages other than English, J.R. doesn't redact those words. That, in Alex's [Redacted] weekly recap which focuses very largely on . . . you guessed it . . . the Conference III Crown of Shit, that is currently in the possession of the Wild(s) (who, if you saw the scores from yesterday, beat the Kings last night). [III Communication]
  • You'll be surprised* to learn that Mike Milbury, the guy who once signed Rick DiPietro to a 15-year contract AND once tried to beat the hell out of someone with a shoe, is not a smart person and probably shouldn't be paid to analyze hockey shit on television. *Okay, well, the OPPOSITE of "surprised". [Puck Daddy]
  • Ted Nolan no longer has the "interim" tag in Buffalo. He IS the head coach of the Sabres for next year. [Sabres]
  • The Frozen Four is set. Minnesota plays North Dakota, Boston College plays Union and the winners of those games play each other for the championship. And it all happens in Philadelphia. [Puck Daddy]
  • Avalanche(s) forward Matt Duchene will miss the rest of the regular season and probably the first week or two of the playoffs with a knee injury. Yep, the Blackhawks are gonna dump-truck those fools. [Denver Post]
  • This year may have ruined John Tortorella's coaching career. Maybe that's not a bad thing? I dunno. [Puck Daddy]
  • Does finishing strong guarantee you a solid run in the playoffs? Generally, no. Hell, you can look to last season as a prime example. [SB Nation]


  • SO WHERE ARE ALL THE HOCKEY NUTS SAYING HOCKEY PLAYERS ARE TOUGHER THAN BASEBALL PLAYERS oh that was basketball nevermind . . . no, seriously, though, this was strange. [Deadspin]
  • Cardinals won. Yay. 161 more wins and Blues fans on The Asylum will consider you a success. #PerfectionOrFuckYou [Cardinals]
  • "Oh, you mean people can see your Facebook profile? PUBLICLY? Oh fuck." [Y! Odd News]


The greatest modern version of "House of the Rising Sun" this side of Bob Dylan or The Animals. Bar none. (S/T to Kate):


So send me links, vids and stuff, eh?:

Rock the Scott tonight. Buy yourself a paper too. Oh, and tip your vendor, you heartless prick.