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Friday Links: Slaps, Slumps, & Truthiness

If we all come together in our misery, it doesn't seem so bad.

By J-Mill
The way things are going right now, this is a perfect visual representation of what will happen in the first round.
The way things are going right now, this is a perfect visual representation of what will happen in the first round.
Jonathan Daniel

I don't remember which year it was, but I used to have an NHL game for Nintendo 64 (NHL97 I think?) where you could do some cheat codes that would let you copy players. You could even create a team made entirely of Wayne Gretzkys.

Anyone know how close are we to that technology today? Because without David Backes, T.J. Oshie, and Vladimir Tarasenko, we could really use 4 or 5 more Jaden Schwartzes. And maybe an extra Alex Pietrangelo.

BLUES NEWS:

  • I'd give a really dismissive "fuck it" or something like that to mirror how pissed last night's 4-2 Blues loss made me, but that'd be a disservice to the mighty fine recap CrossCheckRaise put together, in case you wanted to take a break from the question of "Why are the Blues fucking up so badly?" to learn some answers to "How are the Blues fucking up so badly?" [SLGT]
  • ..grumble-grumble-grumble...Wild won. [Hockey Wilderness]
  • Mike Rupp will most likely be receiving a call from...probably someone other than Brendan Shanahan (more on that below). Oshie meanwhile, is day-to-day, which probably means he'll get the next two games off and hope to be 100% for next week. [Puck Daddy]
  • Hey, remember how everyone was worried that we'd draw the LA Kings in the first round? And then everyone was worried about playing the Dallas Stars? Well good news, everyone: if the playoffs started today, it'd be Blues-Blackhawks. The Avalanche won last night, putting them on top of Conference III via tiebreaker with 2 games left. [Mile High Hockey]

KNOW YOUR ENEMY - THE DALLAS STARS:

  • Speaking of the Stars, the Blues finish out their once dominant inter-divisional play in Dallas. What are the Stars looking for to set their playoff seed? [Defending Big D]
  • PROGRAMMING NOTE: There's also a Cardinals-Cubs game tonight, so here's where to look to find the Blues game locally based on your provider. [Frozen Notes]

HOCKEY NEWS:

  • Other shit happened last night. [NHL.com 4/10]
  • The last Friday of the regular season features 7 games tonight - after our game in Dallas, a very close eye should be on Avs-Sharks. [NHL.com 4/11]
  • The standings as they sit right now. They don't look good...but they still could! [NHL.com Standings]
  • Head of the NHL Department of Player Safety Brendan Shanahan has resigned from his position, reportedly to become the president of the Toronto Maple Leafs. [SBNation NHL]
  • Yesterday's Frozen Four semifinals saw Union top Boston College and the Minnesota Golden Gophers taking down their rivals North Dakota with - I shit you not - game winning shorthanded goal with 0.6 seconds left. [SBNation College Hockey]
  • More concussion lawsuits against the NHL - this time, with a Hanson brother! [Puck Daddy]
  • CCR passes along some juggling goal scoring creativity from Lokomotiv of the KHL (RIP 38). Lokomotiv were also just eliminated from the KHL playoffs after an incredible run...how fast can we get this guy on a plane to Dallas? [Deadspin]

OTHER SHIT:

  • Last week, David Letterman announced that he'll be retiring from The Late Show. Yesterday, CBS announced his successor: the greatest satirist of this generation, Stephen Colbert. [Slate]
  • As exciting as this news is, it's also unfortunate that after 9 years and well over 1,000 episodes, we'll be saying goodbye to The Colbert Report's "Stephen Colbert," a character achievement that it is not an exaggeration to say television had never seen before and likely never will again. [Vulture]
  • Have a big test or paper on Shakespeare plays coming up, but you're having trouble getting through the reading? First of all, try reading it out loud - English teachers don't like to admit it, but Shakespeare plays were never written to be read, only to be heard, and as such, they make for much dryer reading than they do performance. Still having trouble? Then here are your quick & easy three-panel comic strip versions. [i09]
  • You think the Blues had a bad day yesterday? At least none of them accidentally told the entire internet that they once shat their pants in public...like a certain someone around here did...(okay, it was me)...[Twitter @JMill1120]

VIDEOS:


If the Blues are going to get their shit together, they're going to need a damn good smack in the face...how about one of these Smack Cams?


Does any guy under 20 today even wear sleeves anymore?

Help us all cope with this bullshit they Blues are putting us through with some links! Send 'em my way!

Okay, joke's over guys - let's do this!