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Tuesday Links - De Oranje Woede

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Flyers are dumb. HHoF. Dumb Pens. NHL Awards. Canucks have a coach. UFA's sign. Eight dates. 30 Thoughts. Dumb Lightning(s). No buyout for Mike Richards. Soccer. Getting stuck in a vagina. Shooting dicks. ACTUAL lightning. And face-slapping. How's your Tuesday?

DE ORANJE WOEDE
DE ORANJE WOEDE
Dean Mouhtaropoulos

The above headline (and the picture caption) is supposed to be the Dutch translation of "The Orange Fury". Right? Not right? Well, I bet I'm close, but if I'm indeed wrong, please let me know.

BLUES NEWS:

  • Fuck. That.

HOCKEY NEWS:

  • Scott Hartnell waived his no trade clause to go to the Blue Jackets. In exchange, the Flyers get R.J. Umberger, a 2015 fourth round pick and a box full of shame for being dipshits. [USA Today]
  • The Hockey Hall of Fame will induct players Mike Modano, Peter Forsberg, Rob Blake and Dominik Hasek, along with referee Bill McCreary, the late coach Pat Burns (FUCKING FINALLY), journalist Kevin Allen and broadcaster Pat Foley into their ranks on November 17th. [CBC]
  • The Penguins really fucked the pooch on their coaching search, as Ryan Lambert notes in this week's What We Learned. (Also, his Blues bit is pure fucking gold.) [Puck Daddy]
  • Who will win this year's NHL Awards? Steve Dangle has a preview, and I'll clue you in on something . . . no Blues will win any awards. [SLGT]
  • Willie Desjardins, who just led the Dallas Stars' AHL affiliate to the Calder Cup, will now head to the Canucks after telling the Penguins to lick his nuts last week. [Puck Daddy]
  • There were a few UFA's who signed with their teams yesterday. Curtis McElhinney (one-year, Jackets). Matt Greene (four years, Kings). But the biggest deal might have been the one to Andrei Markov. The Canadiens defensemen signed a three-year deal for $17.25MM. [Canadiens]
  • Eight dates to watch for on the 2014-15 NHL schedule. None of them involve the Blues. (S/T to CrossCheckRaise) [The Hockey News]
  • This week's 30 Thoughts by Elliotte Friedman features some fun stuff about Jason Spezza and some notes about the Blues, centered around one of their possible trade pieces . . . namely, Patrik Berglund . . . and other great stuff. (S/T again to CrossCheckRaise) [CBC]
  • The Lightning(s) have a bit of a schedule conflict on April 7th involving the NCAA. Yeah, good luck with those twats. [Tampa Tribune]
  • Mike Richards was thought to be a buyout candidate this year. The Kings are gonna keep him, though. [LA Times]

2014 FIFA FUCK MEXICAN SOCCER WORLD CUP:

  • The Netherlands defeated Chile 2-0 despite being without the services of striker Robin van Persie . . . because they're pretty good and shit. HUP HOLLAND HUP! [Deadspin / Screamer]
  • Spain did not go quietly into the sunset, beating the living hell out of Australia 3-0 in a match that meant little more than pride for the Socceroos and La Furia Roja. [CBS Sports Eye on the World Cup]
  • it's my American duty to say . . . fuck Mexican soccer. That said, Mexico advanced to the knockouts by beating a team I kinda liked, Croatia, 3-1. The Croatian Fraternal Union of Benld, IL is surely saddened by this. [SI / AP]
  • And as expected, hosts Brazil defeated Cameroon 4-1 and advanced to the knockouts. [Y! Sports / AP]

OTHER SHIT:

  • "Lesson of the day: Just because your friends are daring you to pose yourself inside a giant, marble vagina doesn't mean you have to do it." (S/T to CrossCheckRaise) [Mashable]
  • You . . . may want to get a holster for that, bud. [Deadspin / The Concourse]
  • Knock your socks off? Fuck that . . . knock your BOOTS off. [Y! / Odd News]

VIDEO:

Here's four minutes of people slapping each other in the face:

That's . . . something.

You got links? You got videos? You got other shit? You got two ways to send 'em to me: