Tuesday Links - Riker Steps Over Your Chair

Tomorrow, I can tell you that it IS October.

Today, it is still September. STOP ASKING THE QUESTION, YOU FUCKS.

BLUES NEWS:

• Lots of Blues news today . . . first, the team hired Bob Gainey as a consultant. Gainey, a Hall of Fame player with the Canadiens, was the GM of the Stars in 1999 . . . one of his AGM's? Doug Armstrong. His coach? Ken Hitchcock. One of his best players on that team? Brett Hull. You might be getting a clearer picture as to why Gainey was brought on. [TSN]
• It's about time for season previews, and it seems everyone and their mother put their Blues previews up yesterday. One of 'em? SBN, who grabbed some of our finest for their preview. [SB Nation]
• And after that . . . Hildy answers three big questions facing the team. [SLGT]
• The Hockey News gets in on the act. They think the Blues will finish first in the Central. Which means they'll probably finish last in the Central. (S/T to Marcus E. Pettersson, our Swedish correspondent) [The Hockey News]
• Beer, hockey and St. Louis. They all go together. But didn't Towel Boy co-opt a Kickstarter-type gimmick to help pay for his season tickets? I'm not sure about paying for another craft brewer to live out his dream while I barely scrape by myself. But hey, that's just me. [The Hockey Writers]
• Oh, and I know we've discussed Jeremy Rutherford's book before in these spaces, but he's doing a book signing of his new one, 100 Things Blues Fans Should Know & Do Before They Die, on Thursday at the DrinkScotch before the game (5:30 to 6:30pm CDT). So there's that. [NO LINK]

HOCKEY NEWS:

• There were seven games played yesterday. None of them counted. SUCKERS. [NHL.com 09/29/14]
  
• There are supposed to be seven games played today. None of them will count. SUCKERS. [NHL.com 09/30/14]
• SB Nation NHL did a round table on their picks for the playoffs and awards and whatnot. Some interesting picks. Even some Blues love. [SB Nation]
• Selfies during a preseason game with fans? Sure. Because it's preseason and NO ONE SHOULD FUCKING CARE. You go, Ilya Bryzgalov! [Puck Daddy]
• The Avalanche(s) just signed two guys to extensions that are possibly the poster children for why this team will fucking blow this year. One of them HASN'T EVEN PLAYED A MINUTE WITH THE TEAM and he was handed a two-year extension already. Cody McLeod is one. Brad Stuart is the other. Oy, is this collapse gonna be fun to watch. [Mile High Hockey]
• David Clarkson is stupid and has a stupid head and a stupid face, and it's all his own fault, says Ryan Lambert in his weekly What We Learned piece. [Puck Daddy]
• Zach Parise has a relatively famous father, J.P. Parise. J.P. is battling Stage 4 lung cancer. This is what took my father's life (though, after 40 years of smoking, that wasn't much of a surprise). Regardless . . . Fuck Cancer. Battle on, J.P. [Star-Tribune]
• Reilly Smith and Torey Krug figured out a holdout wasn't going to do, so they signed new contracts with the cap-strapped Bruins. [Puck Daddy]
• Ville Leino . . . no longer a Bruin. He was released from his Player Tryout Offer. [CBS Sports Eye on Hockey]
• Speaking of the Bruins . . . their preview in Emojis would probably be a bunch of angry faces. [Puck Daddy]
• Now the entire Blue Jackets' top line is out, as Boone Jenner broke his hand. Nathan Horton has a degenerative back condition and Ryan Johansen is still fighting for a contract. Fire that cannon! [Blue Jackets Xtra]
• Speaking of firing that cannon . . . Pierre McGuire should be loaded into a cannon and fired into space. But he sure did ensure that he'll never get much more than television work with his latest quotes. Thanks, twatburger. [Puck Daddy]

OTHER SHIT:

• It was a good day for the axe yesterday. First, the Minnesota Twins fired their long-time manager, Ron Gardenhire. Only, like, at least three years too late, but whatever. [SB Nation]
• Then, apparently Oakland Raider coach Dennis Allen was fired . . . via phone, no less . . . right after a flight from London. It's like Al Davis never died. [SB Nation / Lookit]
• The NFL is considering a change in their tax-exemption status. They may also want to look into seeing if their commissioner is really still up to the gig, but whatever, he can go fuck himself. [SB Nation]
• It's true . . . Swedish scientists love Bob Dylan. It's true . . . Swedish scientists are fucking awesome. [NPR]

VIDEOS:

Sci-Fi Week continues with . . . Star Trek. Today, we dive in to The Next Generation years and Commander William T. Riker, who had a very, VERY peculiar way of sitting down in a chair . . . by sci-fi standards, I'd think, anyway. Take a close look. (S/T to Kate):

"Here, lemme just teabag this thing aaaaaaaand . . . aaaahhhhh. Now, what are your demands?"

And . . . fuck it . . . here's the best of Commander Riker. He's good with the ladies:

Pimp. Daddy.

Sci-Fi Week continues tomorrow! Drop me a line:

• gtdonutking AT gmail DOT com
• @KingDonutI