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Thursday Links - Narwhals

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Just don't let 'em touch your balls.

Zack Kassian, "Tough Guy". Looks more like a balding Butt-Head.
Zack Kassian, "Tough Guy". Looks more like a balding Butt-Head.
Anne-Marie Sorvin-USA TODAY Sports

Hockey game? What is that?

BLUES NEWS:

*probably not Esq.

KNOW YOUR ENEMY--THE PHILADELPHIA FLYERS:

  • One of the best SBN hockey blogs out there is Broad Street Hockey, run by SB Nation NHL's managing editor, Travis Hughes, and his merry crew. Check 'em out for the Flyers' view of tonight's contest. [Broad Street Hockey]

HOCKEY NEWS:

  • There were four contests last evening, and all of them featured numerical outcomes that were not predetermined . . . that we know about. [NHL.com 03/04/15]
  • Eight games on the docket tonight. There's only one you REALLY deeply care about, probably. [NHL.com 03/05/15]
  • Islanders forward Matt Martin kneed Stars defenseman Trevor Daley recently. That'll cost Martin one game and one game check for being a dipshit. [Puck Daddy]
  • Brett Connolly has yet to play for the Bruins since the Lightning(s) dealt him there at the deadline, and he's already out for the rest of the regular season with a fractured finger. [CBS Sports Eye on Hockey]
  • That whole thing about tweets on air that pissed off Joffrey Lupul, Dion Phaneuf and Elisha Cuthbert all at once on Monday? Won't be happening again, according to TSN. Not a dumb call. I wish EVERY sports network would do the same. [Deadspin]
  • And David Clarkson, just days after being traded to the Blue Jackets, will now probably miss the remainder of the season with a torn oblique. [Puck Daddy]
  • Sam Brittain and (yep) Dan Ellis (PROBLEMS) were recalled by the Panthers in the wake of the injuries suffered by both of their current goaltenders Tuesday. Yep. Guess Brodeur's phone was off at the wrong time. [CBS Sports Eye on Hockey]
  • A Russian tyke league game's handshake line turned from sportsmanship to utter chaos in a flash. [Deadspin]
  • Dude gets his knee sliced in a bizarre hockey incident, and HOLY SHIT DO NOT CLICK THIS IF YOU ARE SQUEAMISH FOR FUCK'S SAKE. [Puck Daddy]

OTHER SHIT:

  • Luke Evans as Gaston in the Beauty and the Beast "live-action" remake? Hmmmmm . . . fascinating. [Nerdist]
  • Is this really a weasel riding a woodpecker? Well, kinda. [Nerdist]

VIDEO:

I don't even fucking know, man. Someone I work with showed me this:

They are, indeed, narwhals.

Send me links. Send me videos. Send me other shit. Send 'em in one of the following two manners:

And check out Episode #76 of Beyond Checkerdome--another guest this week!--before tonight's contest.