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Wednesday Links - Hockey-Like Substance

Hockey games that don't count, but nonetheless happened. And other stuff and things.

Colton Parayko is a LARGE dude. Wow.
Colton Parayko is a LARGE dude. Wow.
Jasen Vinlove-USA TODAY Sports

Remember when I said BluesMay would have links today? LOL, I lied. Sorry.

BLUES NEWS:

  • The squads were split in two. In Columbus, the Blue Jackets beat the Blues 3-1 with the Note's lone goal by Dmitrij Jaskin . . . [Blues]
  • . . . while in St. Louis, the Blues won 5-2 . . . [Blues]
  • . . . in a game where Alexander Steen, Paul Stastny and Vladimir Tarasenko were a line that happened. Holy shit do I want this to work. [SLGT FanShots]
  • Robb has a one-sided conversation directed toward Tom Stillman. And it's a good, valid one. [SLGT FanPosts]
  • Unfortunately, the Todd Ewen story is getting darker . . . according to reports, he took his own life. Depression is the worst, man. [SLGT]
  • Meanwhile, on Monday, the Cardinals held Blues Night at Busch, where the Cards wore some fascinating jerseys at batting practice . . . [SLGT]
  • . . . and at which David Backes threw out the ceremonial first pitch. [SLGT FanShots]

HOCKEY NEWS:

  • Preseason play opened Sunday with three games . . . [NHL.com 09/20/2015] . . . continued Monday with 12 more . . . [NHL.com 09/21/2015] . . . and had 13 more last night. [NHL.com 09/22/2015]
  • Here's the slate of games that don't count for shit tonight (five games) . . . [NHL.com 09/23/2015] . . . and tomorrow (six contests). [NHL.com 09/24/2015]
  • Our old pal Erik Johnson signed a seven-year extension with the Avalanche(s) worth $42MM total. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. [Denver Post]
  • Speaking of the Avalanche(s), check out their Stadium Series sweaters, featuring massive numbers on the sleeves. [Avalanche(s)]
  • The Oilers are taking a risk signing Oscar Klefbom long-term, writes Ryan Lambert in What We Learned. [Puck Daddy]
  • John Tortorella was named Team USA's head coach for the 2016 World Cup of Hockey . . . [CBS Sports Eye on Hockey]
  • . . . where his presser unveiling as such was besieged by prank callers posing as journalists on the press call. [USA Today / FTW!]
  • The Ducks furthered their goaltending logjam a bit by signing prospect John Gibson to a three-year extension worth nearly $7MM. [Orange County Register]
  • Lightning(s) owner Jeff Vinik has given general manager Steve Yzerman the "green light" to sign Steven Stamkos. Probably a wise call, Jeff. He's good and stuff. [Sportsnet]
  • Phil Kessel, the Battle Potato, scored twice in his first Penguins preseason game. [TSN]
  • Milan Lucic will probably have a good season with the Kings, but what will it mean for his future? That's the gist of what Ryan Lambert is getting at in this Trending Topics column. [Puck Daddy]
  • The NC-Double Assholes won't let Michigan State paint green lines where there would normally be blue lines. This is typical. [Detroit Free Press]
  • Patrick Kane played in a preseason game for the Blackhawks last night for the first time since rape allegations surfaced. [CBS Sports Eye on Hockey]
  • Meanwhile, his lawyers are set to hold a press conference. I'm sure this will go over better than the presser Kane had last week. [TSN]
  • Hitch, are you reading this? Your fourth line has to have skill now. (Please, make it so.) [USA Today]
  • Now that Lou Lamoriello is with the Maple Leafs, the team has a policy of no facial hair (until the playoffs, but these are the Leafs). How's that going over with Wendel Clark? [Sportsnet]
  • Wild(s) forward Thomas Vanek played through some injuries last year and still put up 52 points. He says he's recovered from those injuries. [Star-Tribune]

OTHER SHIT:

  • Can you beat what experts call "the hardest Super Mario World level ever"? (Probably not, but you can try.) [Kotaku]
  • A judge ruled that Warner/Chappel Music's claim to "Happy Birthday To You" is invalid, putting the popular song in the Public Domain, meaning no one has to pay royalties to use it, if it stands. [NPR / The Two-Way]
  • Archaeologists discovered a tomb in Pompeii that predates the infamous Mt. Vesuvius eruption by about four centuries. [Mental Floss]
  • Star Wars fans . . . get your very own life-sized plush BB-8 droid before Episode Vii premieres! [Nerdist]
  • Bayern Munich's Robert Lewandowski went fucking ballistic, scoring five goals in nine minutes. Holy shit. [Deadspin / Screamer]
  • A 24-year-old is charged with elder abuse after punching a 78-year-old over . . . fucking waffles, man. WAFFLES. [Y! / AP]

VIDEO:

When I searched "Hockey Substance" at YouTube, this was the first result I saw:

SCIENCE!

A new Beyond Checkerdome will hit your ears sometime this week.