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2016 NHL All Star Game: Central Division vs. Pacific Division

In which Vladimir Tarasenko scores ALL THE GOALS. No, kidding. But he got two assists.

Christopher Hanewinckel-USA TODAY Sports

Warning: this is absolutely stream of consciousness. as it happened, so if it doesn't make any sense, my bad.

After an entertaining first game between the Atlantic Division and the Metro Division which the Amy Grant coached Atlantic won, 4-3, (and after an awkward guitar medley by the house band) the Central Division and Pacific Division squared off.

Starting the game was the trio of Shea Weber, James Neal, and Roman Josi for the Central, with Pekka Rinne in net; Drew Doughy, Corey Perry, and Daniel Sedin started for the Pacific Division, with Jonathan Quick in net.

While a handicap on the ice for the Pacific Division, John Scott's popularity continued, with the crowd showing him love every time he touched the puck and proceeded to plod down the ice. Because let's not kid ourselves, you can't call what John Scott does "skating."

The first goal was scored by Neal on Quick just 26 seconds into the period - huge ovation from the Nashville crowd. The next goal? John Fucking Scott.


If there wasn't a litmus test for Pekka Rinne this season, well, now there is one.

Tarasenko, Byfuglien, and Seguin were a thing. One of those things just doesn't belong there, one of those things is a giant slow buffalo.

There was no cognitive dissonance among fans here in Nashville. sure, they're rooting for the Central, but every damn time Patrick Kane touched that puck, they booed. Consistent folks, here.

Give the Central credit. They managed to take a rare All Star Game penalty - Pekka Rinne got confused, thought that he was a forward, and played the puck outside of the trapezoid. Of course, the penalty led to a Joe Pavelski goal promptly afterward, because this is the season Pekka has had.

(An aside, since I'm writing this stream of consciousness a la Virginia Woolf at a hockey game: the two 91s together are fun. If only Doug Armstrong had noticed that one of those kinds of players really *was* available for trade that offseason. If only.)

James Neal is a pretty ok hockey player, with the second Central Division goal as well as the first one. Johnny "my mother signed a permission form so I could be here" Gaudreau made short work of the tie.

Patrick Kane actually got cheers as he scored the third Central goal, and then John Scott tried to fight him. Just kidding! Scott was playing. Imagine the ovation that would've happened if if that dream scenario had been an actuality?


Also fun:

This is John Scott's world and we're just living in it.

Devan Dubnyk and John Gibson relieved Rinne and Quick after the brief ice scraping. Wonder Twin Daniel Sedin, playing without his brother Henrik, wound up with a breakaway and flipped it over Dubnyk's shoulder. Then, a little over a minute later, John Scott got his second goal of the game.

These are the goalies representing the Central Division, people.

Taylor Hall put the Pacific up 6-3. Can someone call Brian Elliott and tell him to give up his vacation again?

Dubnyk floated out of his net (practically literally) and Sedin tapped in his second of the game. Someone pull a Goldberg and tie his ass in there with bungee cords.

Big Buff hammered home his first goal thanks to a seeing eye pass from Vladimir Tarasenko. The next goal was scored seconds later by the other 91, Tyler Seguin, again with a Tarasenko helper.

Seguin and Tarasenko almost teamed up for another goal save for an absolutely outstanding save from Gibson, which lead to a turnover and another Hall goal on Dubnyk.

Dubnyk is pulled with two minutes left, which, you know, six of one, half of a goalie in net. Up by three? Try up by four.

Then up by three again, as Roman Josi scores the Central's sixth goal. It's a shame that a Preds centic ASG will end without a single Predator playing for the win, but thems the breaks when you go round robin tournament.