Dear Ty Rattie

Dear Ty Rattie,

Welcome back to the NHL for the 75th time in your young professional hockey career. I know, this really fucking blows that you have to constantly go up and down between the Chicago Wolves and St. Louis Blues. One night, you play for a few thousand fans and the next it may be 18,000. It can't be easy, but that is what you get for not being Magnus Paajarvi or Dmitrj Jaskin.

Sure, they may have manly names, but Magnus isn't that good and he is in your way. In 12 games, you have more goals(3 in case you forgot) than Magnus has in 39 games(2). You have the same amount of points while playing the third or fourth line. You average about 10 minutes per game while he got 15-17 at times this season. Jaskin has 10 points in 51 GAMES! What is he doing? He's 40 pounds heavier and two feet taller than you!

For some reason, Ken Hitchcock can't send Paajarvi to Chicago because it would hurt his feelings, shatter Darren Pang's commentary into a million pieces or make the Blues Lounge cry in anger that "analysts" or Game Timer's can't call him a worthless sack of shit that gets to play NHL hockey.

Ty, you aren't fast enough I guess. Magnus is fast. Really fast. Super duper fast. Hitchcock sees Magnus, takes a bite of a cupcake and looks up to see him no more. He's that fast. The assistant coaches nodded in approval when Hitch got excited about putting him on a line with Vladimir Tarasenko, that Russian alien you and the rest of the guys think is actually human.

In quiet, Brad Shaw and Kirk Muller were cursing the entire way home that Magnus was here and you weren't. They can't convince Ken that speed isn't the best skill in hockey. It's having a shot that doesn't look like a wet fart when it leaves the stick. It's using first line minutes to accumulate first line points. I bet you would do better on the first line, Ty. I know you would.

You look like the love child of Tie Domi and Dino Ciccarelli. Isn't that cool? They were real fucking hockey players. You may never reach their level, not at least until you leave St. Louis. You are one of those six foot 175 pound scrappy bastards that NHL analysts and fans trip over when you hop on the ice. The NBC guys have no fucking idea what your name is and rely on your birthplace(Calgary, duh!) to carve up some soft tale about how you came to the Blues and didn't go to the Flames. The ESPN guys think you just came off Injured Reserved. It's alright man.

How has a 32nd overall pick in 2011 gotten a dozen cups of coffee with the big club without sticking? What the fuck are you doing wrong, Ty? Do you know? Has Hitch brought you into the office, unwrapped a fresh moon pie and told you why you are getting sent down AGAIN before he fires the pie at your face? Any dialogue there or did he just hand you a whistle and say blow it until there's some gumption in those lungs? I know, it really sucks how you have been treated, Ty.

People say Magnus and Dmitrj are so young and about to break out, but you are only 23 years old, which is nearly two years younger than Magnus and only a month older than Dmitrj. I know this because your birthday(February 5th) is two days after my own.The age excuse is a bunch of bullshit, Ty.

You once scored 57 and 48 goals in the Western Hockey League. Who cares if it was juniors and in Portland where everybody forgot it ever happened, just like the Trail Blazers. We can forgive that you were playing for a team that was called the Winter Hawks and looked a lot like the Chicago Blackhawks. We can forget that, bro. No big deal.

In 173 games for the Wolves, you've scored 62 goals and 116 points. That's pretty good Ty. Magnus never scored more than 15 goals in a season, and that was that one time at band camp in Edmonton where he was actually productive. I bet with more playing time you could score 15 goals in a season. Just wait until you leave St. Louis.

The last time you were up here was January 24th. You had scored two goals in your last five games. When was the last time Magnus or Dmitrj did that this season? The answer is never.

Hang in there, Ty. You'll get a real shot one day when four more Blues forwards get hurt. Maybe you will be traded to a coach who will utilize you. Look at David Perron and T.J. Oshie. They left Hitch and got better. You aren't as cocky as David and don't try to fake out six players like Teejay. As Ross Rhea would say, you got the stuff, kid! You can bang!!

Keep your head up and one day you may get a shot. Sure, those seven and a half minutes Saturday were better than nothing, but you should get more time soon. Right? Don't hold your breath, Ty. The team has scored 2 or less goals in 14 of 24 games this year, but they don't make any real changes.

Enjoy your cup of coffee before you get sent back to Chicago while Magnus stays. I'm sorry Ty. I really am.