Blues and Game 7: F.U.B.A.R.

While Ken Hitchcock dreams about floating cupcakes and whether he should start Jake Allen or Brian Elliott in goal Wednesday night, let's try to pick ourselves up off the floor after that Game 6 bed shitting at Scottrade last night. In case you haven't been paying attention for the past 49 years, the Blues do nothing easy and like to wave a dagger of heartbreak over their fanbase. It's all bourbon coated nightmares and bittersweet regrets. But it's not over yet.

When I think of this team in the playoffs, I think of a hockey player with Herb Brooks on one shoulder and Rachel Phelps on the other. Good and bad. Positive fire and negative energy on one slab of meat.

It would be easy to lay the blame on Brian Elliott for the 3-2 loss. The idiots will do that. He couldn't stop much, got blitzed and was pulled before the first period ended. A day that started out with Moose boners and Facebook pics showing him standing in front of an American Flag ended in hardship and blue tinted tears. He stormed down the hall at Scottrade wondering what the fuck happened. He didn't play a good game and looked rough but it's not all his fault folks.

The first person that repeats what Pierre McGuire said and talks about the Dallas Stars shooting high will have my fist go through their head. The Stars didn't just start shooting high. Elliott has stopped high, low, and all kinds of shots in every direction. This isn't CLUE. You don't just flip over a couple cards and find out who committed the crime. Sports are a complex breed of recycled assholes that make alcohol sales at stadiums and arenas spike into the drunk percentages. The Stars' shots didn't smoke a little weed before game time Monday and start rising higher.

On the first goal, Colton Parayko pinched in the offensive zone and the Stars had a nice clear and Carl Gunnarsson just isn't fast enough. Janmark's wrist shot was lifted perfectly over Elliott's shoulder. Boom! 1-0. My kid didn't like when I yelled FUCK so loud the people in Arkansas all prayed to baby jesus.

The second goal was a Kevin Shattenkirk collapse. I am not sure if it's the receding airline(I'll shave that head if I have to) or the idea that it's okay to be soft as pudding in front of the net, but he was walked all over by Vern Fiddler(I bet you owns a creepy van with that kind of name) for the 2-0 Stars lead. Maybe Shatty likes shatting over his goaltender. Maybe he is mad because Doug Armstrong seemingly signed every other defensman to a long term deal but him. Maybe he's not a good defenseman.

The third goal was Jay Bouwmeester blowing a damn tire and allowing Jason Spezza(the man the Blues almost signed) to come across the front of the net and skip a shot past Elliott. If I were asked to describe #19, I'd call him slow, soft, old, and he likes to fall down or step on goalie's skates in bad situations. Why couldn't Hitchcock pull him out of the game instead of Elliott? Why can't coaches sub players in from the suite or tell an old engine to park its ass in the station? The Bouwmeester contract is like marrying that girl that's ugly and doesn't make you happy yet you do it because her dad may give you a job and it's safe. He stays on his feet and that goal doesn't happen.

As the Moose bandwagon unloaded and got on the Jake Allen train, the Blues started to play hockey. Actual hockey with sticks, pucks, and stuff. They ended up producing over 70 chances on net. What? No, I am not kidding. Kari Lehtonen simply played a great game. The Blues didn't throw soft shit on net folks. They hit the Dallas net with everything. Rebounds. Slap shots. Wrist shots. All kinds. Lehtonen only allowed two goals and they were both devilishly pretty scores. Kari(what kind of weak name is that for a boy?) was very good. He can't do that two games in a row but once upon a time Patrick Lalime didn't suck so you never know.

Game 7 is in Dallas. Jerry Jones might even be there. That's reason enough to burn the place to the ground with a rousing victory. As they did with Chicago, the Blues mounted a series lead and proceeded to blow it. They have not blown it completely yet.

If this was baseball, the Blues would have officially blown the save in the ninth inning. Now it's time for extras. What happens now?

If you have given up on this team already, you were never a Blues fan to begin with. Seriously folks, withhold from telling me about history. We all know it and for the record, the last time the Blues played a Game 7 they won. It was two weeks ago against the Blackhawks. Let's stick to the present, shall we?

The Blues have responded to pushes all season long. Every time a team knocks them down, they get back up. It's a resilient bunch of rogues. When Carl The Intern rocked the classic Rocky Balboa speech from Rocky 6, it was so fitting. This team has taken the hits and kept moving forward. Can they continue Wednesday?

I'll believe. I am not giving up yet. Wednesday is hump day. A great time for handshakes. A perfect time to send Dallas hockey fans home so they can start focusing on the Cowboys training camp.

Forget Roar Bacon. Let's call this mission, "Escape From Dallas With Dignity".