Happy (?) Festivus, everyone! What is Festivus, you may be asking, ye who have lived under a pop culture rock since 1992?
“At the Festivus dinner, you gather your family around and tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year.”
Normally the Blues give us only the usual quibbles to gripe about, but this season has been more Festivus-worthy than usual. Please add your comments and air those grievances, or air yours with mine. Or just air some that don’t pertain to the Blues. That’s what the holiday’s all about.
Doug Armstrong: You did well this summer. You dumped a couple bad contracts and snagged players that should’ve made the Blues the team to beat in the Central Division.
And then the team isn’t even 5% better.
You’ve made some knee-jerk useless deals in the past (Ryan Miller?), you’ve traded popular players to shake up the locker room on otherwise serviceable teams (and by all accounts not even the player who may be the issue, but the player with a more movable contract), you’ve either shipped off or let walk two decent 1-B goalies in favor of a weird commitment to a goalie who melts down every January (this year should be extra special), and you’ve signed players to deals based on one year of only moderately-good output, hamstringing the team when trading them might be a good idea.
And you’ve decided to stand pat with a coach who is continuing the old record with the added bonus of extra penalty minutes.
I for one anxiously await the trade deadline fire sale in which this team is set back five seasons because of one clunker.
Craig Berube: I’ve yet to speak to one Flyers fan who liked your tenure as coach, but they did mention that the increased penalty minutes and use of pylons was a nice touch, Please hurry up and jerk a knot in this team’s ass instead of your aggressively sad-sack post-game press conferences. I know you have it in you.
Oh, and teach your team how to count/pay attention to line changes/give a damn when they’re called.
Alexander Steen: I don’t know if the locker room rumors are true because I don’t place a lot of stock in bullshit speculation. But just in case the are: get over yourself. You have been here for every coach who has been canned since Andy Murray.
Alex Pietrangelo: I understand you have triplets and holy shit, you must be tired. I’m sure you’d rather spend time with them then this dysfunctional tire fire, but you’re still captain. When you return to active play, please play like it. No more turnovers, no more bad clears, no more missing your man. Play like the defenseman you are, team be damned, and at least a couple people will follow.
Jay Bouwmeester: Please see the writing on the wall and retire at the end of this season before you do irreparable harm to your hips. If Shakira taught us anything, they don’t lie. Take what they’re telling you to heart.
Vladimir Tarasenko: Please stop being so streaky. I’m not saying score in every game, but ten games off at a time isn’t good.
Jake Allen: You’ve been good this season despite a crap defense in front of you. Please do NOT have your usual second half slump. I already barely want to watch the games. Don’t kill my desire to watch anything this season.
That’s enough from me - you guys got any? I’m about 100% you do.