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The Blues are a passionless mess with few answers

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NHL: St. Louis Blues at Minnesota Wild Brad Rempel-USA TODAY Sports

The first thing Mike Yeo needs to do is walk into the Blues locker room and bitchslap Jake Allen.

“So let me get this straight, twinkle toes. We get you one of the greatest goaltenders of all time to teach you positioning last year, and this year you are back to being an out of place alien in goaltender’s clothing? What in the holy world of snake skin fuck are you doing?!”

“But, Mike...”

“Don’t butt me, Shaky Shake Sack. You have your own coach for fucks sake. What’s next? A snake doctor?”

Afterwards, Yeo needs to pick up a taser and zap every single Blues player in that room. Shock them all. Send a surge through their bodies. Forget the old school methods. Bring out the new school, Mike, because this looks like Minnesota a couple years ago all over again.

The Wild quit on Yeo, lost a ton of games in a row, and the leadership spoke out after his exit about how he wasn’t connecting. After 13 months, Yeo has no answers on how to fix this Blues team.

314-622-HELP is busy at the moment.

This is what happens when Doug Armstrong waits a year to start the rebuild. Instead of serving Ken Hitchcock his walking papers before last season, he let the aging coach get one more crack with a roster that gave its best shot in the 2015-16 playoffs.

Instead of getting the entire 2016-17 season to mold this team into his own, Yeo is on full year #1 as the team turns to dogshit. Hopefully his General Manager can serve up a few more summer miracles so this team can get back to winning next year.

A few cold hard facts. The Blues have lost seven games in a row, including several to divisional opponents. They are 2-7-1 in their last ten games and the goal differential is down to +4. They are allowing a ton of goals, getting piss-poor goaltending (from Allen and Carter “Not A Savior” Hutton), and look like zombies.

Yeah, lifeless. I am not talking about White Walker zombies. Those are some badass individuals. The Blues are Walking Dead extras. The ones who get taken out first before the rest of the pack reaches the humans.

Where is the fight in this team? The passion and fire are sorely missing. Oh wait, they scored three goals last night. They also gave up eight.

I spoke with former Blues enforcer Cam Janssen (the full interview drops later this week) about the new pussified NHL and how it’s reduced fighting and aggressiveness, and Janssen thinks it started with the 2004-05 lockout. That makes sense, but the Blues teams that came out of that shitstorm had more fight than this current bunch.

This is what happens when Ryan Reaves is traded away and the team is missing Robert Bortuzzo and Joel Edmundson. Those are three guys who would have started a line brawl, with or without Yeo’s go ahead, in Minnesota Tuesday night. They would have walked up to a Wild player, called their mother a poor name, and swung for the jaw.

When your team is down five goals, it’s time to fight. The Blues look like the epitome of the current weak ass NHL: too quick to start a fight, but collapses quite easily.

It’s sad. There are still 18 games left, but will it even matter?

Remember a few weeks ago when fans were irate over who should play goal for the Blues? Those were the fucking days. Now, the team looks like Daniel Kaluuya from Get Out when Catherine Keener hits the tea cup with her spoon. Sinking into the floor before helplessly falling into the abyss.

The fans deserve better than this. They pour their heart and soul into this team for 50 years and have received zero Stanley Cups, just a load of blueball delight instead. When will this team win a Cup? I am starting to wonder if I will be a father of a college student or a grown man in his 20’s when this team wins the ultimate trophy?

They have more talent than most people think, but the roster is bogged down by bad contract extensions. Can Armstrong undo his mess? Or will he kindly take his time and enjoy his four year extension?

The future looks bright with all the young talent coming up, but will they get the chance and will Scottrade Center remain full enough to watch it be realized? Blues fans are running out of patience.

The current mess of a team with a lack of heart isn’t helping.

The Blues are lollygaggers of the worst order.