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Ex-Blue Jori Lehtera and a cocaine ring? You can’t make this stuff up

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NHL: St. Louis Blues at Philadelphia Flyers Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports

Move over, Mike Danton. You have company in the holy shit it can’t be true department.

Is it true? Is the former St. Louis Blue-who fans loved to hate-involved in a drug ring? As an older Han Solo once said, “yes, it’s true...all of it.”

Ex-Blue Jori Lehtera is being suspected in a Finnish cocaine ring. A great Netflix screenwriter couldn’t pen this story from scratch. When I shared a joke about it on Twitter this afternoon, there were some who couldn’t believe it. It possibly has to do with the fact that the owner of two months of solid NHL hockey back in 2014 had started to drift away in his Philadelphia career grave before David Issac published his report in The Courier Post this week.

According to the report, the United States are playing catch-up in this ordeal. Lehtera’s summer home was raided recently, and the NHL is investigating the matter as we speak. Can you imagine the hilarity when the topic was breached? “Lehtera is in the drug business? Now that’s a way to stay relevant in old age.”

It doesn’t make any sense, but then again, when do highly paid athletes getting into trouble off the field or ice produce an easy correlation. Sometimes, one’s natural instinct is that the legit money won’t last and there needs to be more made just in case. Greed is still the deadliest drug around, and Lehtera’s alleged slip-up is just another prime example.

It isn’t like the Flyers will be missing his contributions this season if the NHL does take action or the team decides to release him. In 62 games last season, he offered three goals and eight points. That is good if you are Ty Rattie scrapping along from team to team, but for a guy making big-time cash, it’s a laughable disgrace.

I doubt Lehtera actually ingested any of the substance, because an easy google search suggests that cocaine makes the body move faster, and that is not Lehtera’s strong suit. He was a glacier on the ice, weighing down a line like a heavy stone would a piece of paper with beautiful writing on it. Then again, maybe that’s why he would take it, so he could become faster on the ice. Who knows?

The answer is no one, at least until more details become public, the investigation wraps up his end, or the internet wisely decides to forget. You won’t hear from Lehtera anytime soon. He’s more than likely being held under “stupid ass athlete” house arrest.

Just sit back, await the glorious Lehtera jokes, and feel good knowing that he isn’t playing on a line with Tarasenko and Pat Maroon. Be glad this is like that time you found out about the Ex-Blue Mike Danton being involved in a hitman-related case. It was like watching Law and Order SVU: Ex-Blues Discrepancies.

Thanks for reading and have a good night,

DLB